bumpit-ponytailI only wish my consumer confidence could be as high as this bitch’s hair….

Hey Hookers. Being that I’m not exactly rolling in money, I’ve not bought any new products since around Christmas, so I’m not really able to supply you with product reviews. Pooh. I know I’m in Depresh Mode when I’m posting about what other people are posting about instead of actually dipping my toes in the beauty pond. Oh well, here’s a roundup of things I’ve found interesting on the interwebz… Oh OK, and I threw in a product review for you on the end, there. Enjoy!

knife-combKNIFE COMB

I want you. The right way. I want you. And I want you to want me, too. Want me, baby. Just like I want you.





Babyassface wins this round. Haaaands dowwwwn. She got meh. Keep in mind: this is a girl who scrubs her nose with butter and salt, and used Crisco as a night cream. Yeah.


juliapinkstreaksPINK STREAK

Julia Roberts on the red carpet for Duplicity with pink streaks in her hair. I love this and I really hope it becomes a trend. Only, I’d rather see folks sporting a more subtle thang. Like, teensy, thin, pastel pinks, lilacs and yellows in their hairs. Sign me up for mint green! Peeps-inspired beauty! Gorge! Am I drunk?


laserOOH LA LA


Garance Dore’ gets lasered, chickens out, says “bien sur” and “mais oui” a lot. I love her.



Christian Siriano has a makeup line. For the hot tranny/fierce tranny in us all.



Sad to say it, but teased hair has officially jumped the shark. Look at this gallery and try to tell me otherwise.



I’m so sick of fuscia lipstick I could vomit magenta.



Apparently, the new celeb hair trend in the Brazilian Blowout, which is a looser, less permanent version of the Japanese and Brazilian hair straightening processes. Shoot, call it what it is: Relaxer.


And finally, a product review I’ve been hoarding, in my beauty drawer, with all my Chanel perfume samples that I’m allergic to but still won’t give away: Josie Maran Argan Oil.


OK, here’s the thing: This stuff is the real deal. The realest real deal that ever dealt in a real fashion. I have had problem skin all of my life. Sure, it’s semi-acne-free and not covered in M&M-sized moles or whatever, but it’s always been dry, scaly, and rough. My lotions and creams only ever glossed over the problem temporarily. I felt them sitting atop my skin and not really soaking in, not fixing the dryness problem. But this Argan oil business is so different from anything I’ve ever used. I’ve been using it religiously since December, but I’ve been holding off writing a review because I’ve been expecting some plateau or downturn in results. Four months in, this stuff is still rocking my face off. The other day, I was all-up-in my mirror’s grill plucking my eyebrow hairs, and I happened to look down at my cheek. It was weird, my skin looked so different than I’m used to it looking. It was so unbelievably smooth. Like, put-it-under-a-microscope, on-the-molecular-level smooth. This is not the skin I’ve had most of my life. It is so happy and glowy and radiant. I don’t even wear foundation anymore, just a dot of concealer here or there, a little blush & ‘scara and I’m out the door. Seriously, and I know I’ve said this way too much already, but if there’s one product I think every woman* should own, it’s this one.

So product review dumbshits on MakeupAlley and Sephora will more than likely complain about how this stuff “makes (their) skin greasy,” or “makes (them) break out,” but the only negative reviews I’ve read are from folks who I’d bet money aren’t using it correctly. Skin oil should only be applied right after you wash your face and apply toner. YES, you HAVE to use toner if you’re going to oil up your skin, and if you don’t, well, you deserve to break out. Don’t come bitching to me, man. Argan oil is super light and will soak right in to clean, damp skin. You may need to play with how many drops is right for you (this stuff comes in a glass vial with dropper), but I use only three and that covers my whole face & neck with a little bit left to rub into my cuticles. It is THE perfect moisturizer. I’ve quit using night creams since discovering this product, but I do still use a day cream on top of it, b/c I need the SPF. I knew a straight-up oil would help to keep my face moisturized, but I could never have guessed it would reduce the size of my pores. Like tea tree oil, argan oil has anti-inflammatory properties, resulting in less breakouts that heal faster. Also like tea tree oil, argan oil helps to regulate sebum production in the skin, resulting in less blackheads and such. Hot damn! I’m not going to say I don’t have breakouts anymore. I do, but they’re hormonal and accompany my period. They’re like the winged monkeys to my period’s Wicked Witch of the West. Not much I can do about that.

In addition to being a seriously amazing skincare product, it’s also a vanity buy with a conscience: This stuff comes from a renewable/sustainable source, is organic, all-natural, free of parabens, sulfates, phthalates, petro-chemicals, fragrances, and dyes. The sale of this oil benefits women’s cooperatives in Morocco. Given that celeb makeup lines are usually terrible and thus short-lived, I really hope Ms. Maran’s line will stick around.

*except maybe you, Kadinsky, because you just need to erect an oil derrick on your fo’head and just be done with it. Oh, and peeps with nut or tree nut allergies should proceed with extreme caution.

Any questions? Comment!