uterusJust to overshare, since we all enjoy talking about birth control and bloody mishaps (yeah, that’s the home removal/uterus of steel post), here’s my basic situation.  Since getting my IUD a few years ago, I’ve been blessedly period-free, aside from some occasional spotting.  Yes, it is awesome, and no, I don’t feel like less of a woman.  While I was never of the had-to-be-hospitalized-for-my-period camp, I experienced extremely painful cramps (lower back, uterus, and vaginal canal) and my fair share of PMS.  This has (magically!) been reduced to some tolerable twinges and minor irritability.  However, in the last several months, my period has reared its ugly head with more natural regularity and despite the fact that I no longer circle my blood days in my planner, I can tell when the onset of the curse is nigh, even when I don’t require a pad. 

And I think that time is upon us, judging by the symptoms that remain.  Here’s what I’ve experienced since yesterday:

1) SOBBING:  I’ve been feeling listless and distracted all week and last night, instead of doing a blog post (my stated goal), I got wrapped up in watching Urlesque’s list of the 100 most influential viral videos on the internet (click this link only if you have two to three free hours on your hands). 

Which is to say, I sat in my pajamas and cried for two hours, rewatching guaranteed tearjerkers “Christian the Lion,” “Otters Holding Hands,” “Free Hugs,” and my ultimate sob-inducer, “Where the Hell is Matt?”.  I’ve watched the first and the last about a dozen times each and I know what they do to me (reduce me to shuddery breaths while the tears drip down my face and my glasses fog up).  UGH.  I make it a point in life, in general, to not watch shit that will make me cry, but I was helpless as a baby last night.  The vast pain of the world was on my shoulders, in beautiful and terrible glory.  Feeling this connected to humanity through the digital age made my heart ache so badly I had to retire to bed, snuffling into my pillow.

2)  IDIOCY:  Much like the time I brainlessly went to work wearing two different shoes, I went to Sainsbury’s to pick up some essentials for the weekend (eggs, salad, wine, milk, chocolate pudding cups).  Walking down the street to the bus, juggling my eco-bag of groceries, purse, and umbrella, I was accosted by a security guard who chased after me.  No, I didn’t accidentally steal something (immediate concern) – I had left my card in the machine, and thank jeebus security was alert and kindly enough to track me down and return it.  It would have been a panicky weekend otherwise.

3) DODGY TUMMY AND EXTREME KLUTZINESS:  Two classic symptoms of impending menstruation for my body are an upset stomach and a sudden propensity to knock things over like a fast-growing, gawkward teenager.  True to form, I rushed from the bus stop on my way hope with my guts roiling, and knocked my elbow against the doorframe of my building in my hurry.  This occasional, weird lapse of spacial awareness sends wine glasses flying into the stratosphere and causes me to painfully bang my shins against any available coffee table.   Sometimes I will drop things for no obvious reason.  I’m pretty sure I smacked myself in the face once in high school when my arm spasmed of its own accord.

In conclusion, while I don’t know if I need to dust of the Playtex, I definitely be raggin’.  And as an added menstrual bonus, please see my top sob-inducers of last eve below.  Fair Warning:  Do NOT watch these in the office unless you work in a much less macho environment that I – whether you too be raggin’ or not, you will be accused of such.

Where the Hell is Matt?

Free Hugs Campaign

Otters Holding Hands

Christian the Lion (which we’ve posted before, but this is the extra tear-jerky version)