Remember that ubiquitous phrase from when you were a kid? No? Well, those of you who are products of Gen X/Gen Y will know what I’m talking about. My friends and I were always making the declarative, “BUSTED!” statement whenever we did in fact, bust someone doing something they shouldn’t be doing.
Yesterday being football day, the mister and I took his visiting friend with us to our local casino to camp out in the sports book and have some fun. This being Pacific time means the Sunday noon game really starts at 10am, which means you need to be at the sports book at least an hour early to get a good table. Forget about placing a bet, to avoid the line stretching to the door you need to place your bet on Saturday night (which we did). Anyway, the guys went on ahead of me to get a table and I said I would meet them later. So when I got there, I scanned the room and found them in front of me. As I walked up behind them, I saw my husband’s hand move out to the right of him, as he flicked ash from his cigarette into the ashtray. My husband quit smoking tobacco years ago at my urging, and he’s usually very good about not cheating, but when an old friend is in town I sortof expect him to sneak one or two. I came up behind him and just as he was taking a drag I leaned down and clapped my hand on his back and said, “You are so BUSTED!” The immediate freezing of movement and the wide eyed stare were priceless, and everyone fell out laughing. Later on as I watched Tony Romo embarrass every loud mouthed Dallas fan in the country with his busted-ass quarterbacking, I couldn’t help thinking about all the times I had been “BUSTED”.
Sometimes it was just something funny or trivial, like Mr.k and the ciggie. Other times, it was something I was just trying to do quietly (like sneak out of or into my boss’ office in the middle of the night), and on a few occasions it was something majorly sneaky, like getting caught with something not yours, or someONE. I thought about it all night and came up with my worst Busted! moment to date.
My first serious boyfriend was significantly older than me, by about 14 years. I was underage, under 16 in fact. And as smart as I thought I was, there was a thing or three that I didn’t know. For instance, I didn’t know what a lying, disgusting, vile, ignorant, asshole my boyfriend really was, and when he told me that he was living with his ex-girlfriend and her son temporarily, I believed him. The kid wasn’t his, and his story was that he had been dating this woman but they had decided to break up a while ago, monetary situations meant they would live as roommates and they were totally cool friends.
He wasn’t the first guy I had sex with, but being young and perpetually horny/curious all I wanted to do was bone him. One day we arranged it so that I would skip school, he would pick me up and we would spend the day together. He told me his “roommate” would be at work all day (and of course this loser had no job), so we figured we would have the house to ourselves all day. The place was empty when we got there and we proceeded to spend the next few hours in bed. After a time, I remember waking up from a short nap and we started messing around again. He was laying on his back and I was laying on my stomach, half on his chest. No one had any clothes on and the sheets were somewhere on the floor. We heard a noise……we paused. Must have been the house creaking…..back to kissing.
Wait,…….I heard it again……was that a……….car door? I think that was the garage door, babe……….oh shit!! Wait, wait, wait…what time is it? It’s probably just Andy (actual roommate). You sure?……………………………….
This all took place in a matter of seconds, so we didn’t move, we just stayed there in the bed, all tensed up and hoping it was just Andy. The next thing I knew, the bedroom door opened (I guess it’s not Andy!) and I heard it bang back against the wall. No words were uttered and I did not turn around. Let me remind you that we are completely naked and literally in a lovers’ embrace. A million years passed, as I laid there with my naked boyfriends’ arm around me, feeling the cold draft from the now open doorway raising goose flesh on my bum. Can you guess who was standing in the doorway watching my bum tense up? Yes indeed, it was my boyfriend’s ex-girlfriend-turned-totally-cool-roommate THE WOMAN WITH WHOM MY ASSHOLE BOYFRIEND SHARED THE VERY BED WE JUST FUCKED ALL MORNING IN.
She ended up not saying a word, she stood there in shock and disgust, I imagine. Then she turned and walked out of the room. We sprang up and manically put our clothes back on, I don’t remember if I said anything other than, “Shit! Fuck! Shit! Now what?!” Needless to say, getting past her in the kitchen and out of the house was very unpleasant because how could it be anything else? Now, there is quite a lot of backstory I could give you about Her, but that’s getting off topic, the point is, getting BUSTED! in the bed by your man’s other woman is my most shameful bust. Not to mention the whole age thing.
I showed you mine, now show me yours.