colored-pot-leafHappy Friday, Hookers!  It’s been forever and a day but we finally have a new Ganja Gab for you.  Today’s topic is about relationships and the recreational user.

So I read this article about marijuana and dating/relationships, and it’s pretty straightforward if not predictable in it’s content.  Cannabis is an interest to regular users of the plant just as travel or bird watching is to others, and it certainly helps to share interests with the person you love.  The blogger goes on to talk about the importance of communication, morality complications, the divinity of “weed heightened conversations” and the like, and in the end we are reminded that trust and love will conquer all (such as).  A reference is made to how “smoking might get in the way of a regular relationship” following along the lines of one partner being pro-smoke and the other partner being anti-smoke – yeah yeah, that’s all well and good but why doesn’t anyone talk about the weed problems between couples who DO smoke?  Such as:

#1:  Money for weed: Single or coupled, it sucks having no money for weed.  But I can’t tell you how often I have had words with my spouse over how quickly we have run out, especially because he always seems to get the last of it and doesn’t think to save me any.  Fucker.  We now have a system where I basically parcel out a weed allowance for the week, because when you are forced to buy retail that shit ain’t cheap.  Roommates can very often be guilty of this treachery also, and usually the bastards sneak in and pinch it while you’re at work.

#2:  Money for paraphernalia: Pipes and bongs that keep getting broken or lost in someone’s car or never cleaned untilfightcloud they turn into resin encrusted relics of their former selves.  One hitters lost to the place where dryer socks go, lighters that vanish within 5 mins of opening the package.  This shit costs money!  And have you ever tried telling a marriage therapist the reason you are so angry with your spouse is because he fucking smoked the last of the good shit without telling you AGAIN?  If I get counseled on drug abuse one more fucking time I swear…

#3:  Growing: I know couples who have had raging fights over whether or not to home grow (there is considerable risk) and couples who have rows over growing technique, method, expense.  My friend *Elise has been battling with her husband *Aaron over her decision to use growing materials that have quadrupled their monthly expenses.  She is convinced it’s an investment that will pay off and he is convinced she is batshit and they will never see that money again.

#4:  Lifestyle: Sometimes my husband smokes before work, which I really hate for him to do.  This stems from my being an overachieving bitch with a conservative, high pressure job, so I’m probably just mad jealous that he can get away with it and I can’t.  If you read the Stiletto Stoners piece you’ll know what I mean.

marital-conflict2#5:  Reality: I just pinged a married friend about this topic and she told me in her house, it’s a matter of being real.  In her case, both she and her husband are regular smokers, but he pretends as though it’s really just her that likes it and he is just going along.  Meanwhile, if they run out unexpectedly he acts like it’s only because she is such a fiend.  I can relate to this actually, when I first started smoking with my husband (last time being around high school) I definitely looked at it as his activity which I was just part timing in.  After a couple years though, don’t try to lie, you’re smoking just as much as they are.

#6:  Movies: Look, fuck what you heard.  All stoners do not love the same movies when they bake.  Harold and Kumar?  Aside from Doogie Howser’s bender in the car scene (“My balls get so wet!”), that movie sucks.  Pineapple Express?  Seth Rogan needs to die in a fire and take Judd Apatow, Jonah Hill and Katherine HAGiel with him.  I can definitely go on listing the so called ‘Stoner Movies’ that will ruin a buzz but you get the point.  Now, if we’re gonna watch Dazed and Confused, or Caddyshack, or The Big Lebowski, then we’re cool.  Hell, even Half Baked was funny in it’s cheezy steeze.  But who am I to criticize anyway, I like getting uber baked and watching The Real Housewives of Atlanta, because THOSE are some dopey ho’s.

So, am I the only one?  Do any of you argue with your sweetie over dun-dun-dahh drugs?  We’re all friends here, tell me.

*Names changed to protect the innocent