Are you a fan of casually abusive blogs, in the style of Fuck You, Penguin? Do you like to cook? If you were wondering how to combine these two interests, you might enjoy this blog my friend tipped me to, Cooking For Assholes.
The blog is written by a guy who evocatively describes himself as a “dude who can cook.” His mission statement? Behold:
You suck at cooking. You fuck up rice. You think Cayenne is that fat bitch from around the way and Old Bay is the piece of shit that keeps calling the cops on you and your boys. Don’t you think you would get some major action if you were able to pull off an edible culinary concoction? Follow these easy recipes and you will be swimming in the sea of love before you know it. Dap!
Sounds good to me. If I can’t be tormented by a real-life professional chef, I am open to receiving generic belittlement via the internet and staring at flash-intensive photos of Americanized bangers and mash (I am making that this weekend; it looks good). As far as I can tell, his only qualifications are being interested in cooking and demeaning his readers, who are more than happy to talk shit right back at him. I am fine with that, and I don’t mind his Portland-Brah style.
I would, however, challenge him to attempt Kadinsky’s Bacon Explosion. Hopefully he’ll let us know if he does.