I have something that happens to me often that is as perplexing to me as who the hell listens to Enya other than people lying on massage tables, why are bagels hotter than hell when you take them out of the toaster and why the hell won’t Trader Joe’s sell some of their shit online?

And that is this: How come whenever I cook a big turkey dinner, I can hardly eat it?

It’s happened again today. Stupidly, I decided it would be a good idea to cook a 12-pound turkey for me and my son, who really doesn’t like turkey. But I didn’t care because I was seriously jonesing for turkey — the big feast, all the side dishes, the notion of turkey sandwiches for dinner for a week. I didn’t eat all day as I made stuffing and stuffed the turkey and put it in the oven. I peeled potatoes. I prepared to reheat the cauliflower and Brussels sprouts gratin that I made last night (and ate part of for Thanksgiving Eve dinner). I made the corn casserole. All day I didn’t eat, excited with anticipation about the meal.

And when  meal time came, and the turkey was carved and the potatoes were whipped with cream and butter and the gravy was rich and thick and the side dishes were bubbling and fragrant, here’s what I ate: a heaping spoonful of stuffing. Two bites of white meat. One spoonful of mashed potatoes. And then I felt sick and could eat no more.

This happens every Christmas and Thanksgiving dinner, by the way.

Is it psychological? My sister is borderline obese and I am always worrying about food intake/diet/weight, for fear there is an obese woman inside me struggling to get out (she almost succeeded with both pregnancies).  My kids tell me I eat like an anorexic (which is not really true, I just don’t eat a big dinner and nibble on smaller things all day). Do I subconsciously freak myself out about hoovering down a huge meal and so my brain tells me I’m full and nauseated?

I don’t nibble all day when I cook the stupid bird, so it’s not like I can possibly be full.

Is it something about turkey? Could I be allergic? No, because the leftovers never bother me.

Does this happen to anyone else? What IS this phenomenon? All this work for two bites of turkey, a half a cup of mashed potatoes and not much more stuffing. The dog ate more in stuff that fell to the floor than I did. The kid who doesn’t like turkey ate more turkey than I did. I am pissed, and still feel like I could barf.

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