from Dlisted

Sour temper – check.

Prone to violence – check.

Punctuate all sentences with filthy curse words – check.

Angrily judgmental about other people’s dental work – check.

And the only reason I look forward to getting old is so I can spend my days hopped up on every drug I’ve ever loved and no one can say shit to me ‘cuz I’m old and it’s my right.  I’m also going to stop wearing bras and just use the basket on my Hoveround to keep my tits off the floor and hold my Jitterbug and sack of nickels.  And I’m gonna use one of those picker-upper thingys to knock the cats off my Costco size barrels of douchewater, Ensure and vinyl incontinence panties.  It’ll come in handy for beating children who stare at me, too.

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