I’ve been saying for a while now that I hate Twitter.  Well, I don’t “hate” it per se, but I definitely dislike it and I haven’t taken to it, despite my friends tweetspeaking me outside of Twitter (#youknowwhoyouare).  I use it for BCP as a means of web survival only, it’s apparently necessary.  Last weekend I was rolling along under the inspiring effects of some long lost e (but only for a little while ‘cuz that shit was old and crumbly as fuck) and it came to me; Why I Eschew The Twitter.

It’s just not my bag, not my thing.  Twitter is like a 24 lane highway in Texas with everyone madly dashing about, crashing into each other and calling it ‘networking’.  Does anyone need to know that you just bought a pound of pork from the Jewish deli and someone looked at your hangnail funny at the counter or that you hate the infinite loops of FoxPro?  I mean, does this actually affect anyone’s life in a meaningful way?  Nope, sure doesn’t.  The never ending stream of consciousness updates are just so assholishly narcissistic.  I COULDN’T GIVE HALF A SHIT WHAT IS RUNNING THROUGH YOUR PEA BRAIN RIGHTTHISSECOND.

Enter Facebook.  Now, believe me, my intent is not to promote Facebook here, but I prefer to update myself to the virtual universe by hanging on the corner just a sidestep from Twitter Grand Prix.  Facebook Ave is just around the corner from the Twitter traffic flow and it’s quieter, it’s relaxed and most of the time you don’t have to worry about stepping in dog shit.  This may be the one time when Facebook and all it’s slow loading, non notification sending, daily wonk qualities actually come in handy.  It just takes longer to update your Facebook status, more of those precious seconds we have no patience with, which means I hear a lot less chatter and that’s the way I like it.  Like being at a party or bar where it’s 1000 decibels too loud to talk, it’s always a tremendous relief when you find a quieter spot, take a breath and look forward to getting to know the person you have struck up a convo with.  I’m like Jughead, just chillin’ in my hammock, happy to chat for a spell and trade stories or just watch you and the Reggie’s of the world drift by.  Viva la Facebook.  But keep it quiet, yeah?

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