I am in the market for my first home purchase, which means I am spending many hours perusing home listings and deciphering all the lies that come with them.  Fortunately for me, I have a whole upside-down city for sale at my feet.  Home prices in the Vegas area have fallen again for the 39th consecutive month; it is literally a fire sale out here.  So here’s my beef; how in the fuck do you expect to sell your home when your dumb ass either doesn’t post pictures or (even better) you post completely useless pictures of corners in your house?  I’ve just spent the entire morning going through my latest online search results of 399 homes which fit my criteria, and maybe half of them have barely decent photo representation.  I am fucking amazed at the bullshit people post, thinking it will help them find a buyer.  Fuzzy pictures, shitty cell phone camera pictures, pictures taken with the blinds closed and the lights off, pictures of utterly useless ‘features’ of the home.

A message to anyone trying to get me to buy your home:  DON’T LIST WITH A REALTOR WHO IS NOT SMART ENOUGH TO SHOW YOUR HOME IN THE BEST LIGHT.  Because I can forgive some asshole who just wants to sell for the best price and who trusts the realtor to do their fucking job.  Realtors want their cut which means they are directly invested in how well your home appears to a buyer.  I have money to spend and good credit to use, but guess what?  You will never get me or anyone with half a brain to tour a house you present like this:

Perfect! Finally a corner I can stretch out in!

I could never buy a house without knowing what the top of my pressboard bookcase will look like.

THE SIDE OF HOUSE BUSH OF MY DREAMS!!!

STOP. THIS IS THE DREAM HOUSE FOR ME. I MUST HAVE IT. IT HAS EVERYTHING I COULD WANT.

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