Co-worker Issues

I found this hilariously puzzling list in the copy room on a notepad someone left.  I am now hovering outside the copy room trying to catch the person who claims it.  Analyze!

So, I’ve been in this long-term relationship – five-and-a-half years, to be exact – and things haven’t been going well recently.  To be honest, it’s been a rocky relationship from the start, and I can only ascribe its duration to my own complacency, oft-misplaced loyalty, and perhaps a mutual recognition of tenacity.  There have been good times, no doubt, but also a fair share of bad times, and throughout it all, a nagging sense of boredom and of things left undone and unsaid.

When Johnson and I got together, I was 22 years old and coming out of a nasty patch; I latched on to him with enthusiasm.  He was a foreigner in my hometown, we were both looking for some security, and the mutual benefits were immediate and obvious.  It didn’t take long for me to invest my heart and time, shrugging off the occasional errant suitor in the face of Johnson’s promises of longevity and fulfillment.  If I was good and devoted to him, he would be good to me, and together, we would go places.

It didn’t take long before I could see we were going to have problems.  He had a roving eye, as is his wont, and I was going to have to fight to remain in his affections.  Over the years, other pretty girls came and went, but I continued to declare my commitment and one by one, they dropped by the wayside.  I wanted to prove I was dutiful and in it for the long-haul, but sometimes the frustrations of all this struggle to stay visible and important overwhelmed me.  I didn’t understand why we couldn’t just sail on an even-keel; maybe we weren’t so well-matched after all, and I should be seeking attention elsewhere. (more…)

I posted a week back about a certain resume that made its way to my inbox some time ago that remains a valued source of delight.  Favored commenter London_Calling was thus inspired to share this little tidbit from another jobseeker out there in the world, who introduced herself thusly:

What my resume does not reveal is my professional demeanor and appearance.  In a business environment, these qualities are of the utmost importance in dealing with clients as well as co-workers.   In me, you’ll discover a reliable, detail-oriented, and extremely hard-working associate; one who will serve as a model to encourage other staff members to demonstrate the same high standard of professionalism.

Alright, it’s a  tad arrogant, but I like her forthrightness.  She expects a high standard of professionalism from herself and those she works with, and believes in the importance of presentation – got it.  This is no bad thing and, personally speaking, if the rest of her CV fit the needs of the job for which I was hiring, I’d be intrigued.

I expect the potential employer who received this resume felt the same way.  Unfortunately, when her name was Google searched, one of the first things to pop up was this image from her Facebook profile: (more…)

Once you get out of school, it becomes harder for the bullies among us to persecute people online, which is obviously a real shame.  Sure, for the junior high set there’s been MySpace and the high schoolers have the Facebook, and college and grad students have the benefits of JuicyCampus or other social boards to slander and libel their peers (click on any of those links for a good time!), but what of us grown-ups, out in the real world?

I mean, LinkedIn and Viadeo have been great professional networking tools, but I’ve often found them lacking – where’s the free-for-all forum where I can launch personal attacks and deride my colleagues for their laziness, brown-nosing, or just being giant whores, with the comfort of anonymity?

Well, the internet isn’t about to fail us, hence the advent of the professional and anonymous peer review board, Unvarnished.  Unvarnished allows users to dish about their co-workers’ job performances from the safety of their home computers and is fresh out of beta testing.  The concept is similar to Amazon user reviews and, if it isn’t already obvious to you, can be abused just as handily.  From Time Online:

It’s a concept that has caused some controversy, particularly since Unvarnished allows employees to be reviewed anonymously and with no way of removing a negative review. But the co-founders, veterans of sites like LinkedIn and eBay, think there’s a market for honest, unfiltered feedback about how individuals perform in their jobs and say their site will ultimately be more useful than the carefully selected job references or curated blurbs on someone’s LinkedIn profile. “We’re trying to take how professional reputation works in the offline world and port that online,” says co-founder Peter Kazanjy.

Yeah, you bet your ass there will be a market for it.  A sweaty, grimy, desperate black market.  Because why launch a whisper campaign within your organization when it might be traced back to you, when you can simply put it online and remove the risk of accountability, not to mention ensuring that your grievances will be available, forever, to potential employers and contacts worldwide?  It’s the future, y’all. (more…)

My man is a little annoyed with me today.  This is because I didn’t come to  bed until after 3am last night.  But, I couldn’t help it.  I was making a mustachioed Italian plumber jump, thrust and pound with my hands and I just don’t stop until my nailbeds bleed.

What?  I was playing Super Mario Bros. Wii, what’d you think I was doing? 

Anyway, I had a lot on my mind and it helps me to relax and let my subconscious churn the gears and bring fresh ideas to the surface.  I’ve been playing GTA IV but I’m stuck on a mission and hating Niko’s bike skills, and I already finished Scarface (again), The Godfather and BioShock (again).  I’m almost to World 9 in Mario Wii, but I decided to start over and collect all the coins and find all the warps.   So this is what kept me up until the wee hours.  That and a general funk over things this week.  It’s just been one of those weeks; it’s been grey and drizzly every day, the news is extra depressing what with Haiti and then the Dems bending over and taking it from anyone who wants to give it.  I don’t know, man.  You remember that woman I used to work with that I told y’all about; the one with the worst karma in the world?  Well,  I was talking to a colleague yesterday and got an update on the latest shit things to happen to her.  Only now I’m starting to wonder how much of her “bad luck” is self induced.  I’m not saying she’s to blame,……..well, yeah, I guess I am saying she could be to blame for some if it.  Here’s the rundown of things that have happened to her in the last few years; (more…)

My husband J and I do the best thing when we get home from work; we stand in the kitchen, sharing a joint and tell each other about our day.  At a little before 6pm, the sun is just leaving behind that muted brilliance of summertime light, and it softens our little kitchen and part of the hall.  The cat lays his big fat beer belly across the carpet, enjoying one of us trailing around a piece of string and we talk about the crazy fucked up shit that happens at work.

Today he told me about his unbalanced nutbag architect of a boss who gives him all kinds of shit for other peoples’ fuckups.  Then there’s the Russian foreman who had a breakdown after several years of working for The Nutbag and was basically publicly ridiculed for something every day, even after J was given his job and more money – we feel kinda sorry for the guy, he used to give J hell and they hated each other and would bump heads on the job site all the time.  But now he’s been all bitched into submission and you can’t help feel glad that it’s not you.  For a while he would tell me about this shady skinny dude on the job that would slide up next to him in the elevator and try to squeeze his ass – naughty!  also hilare.

Typically I tell him about what’s pissing me off at work, a dipshit client or retarded co-worker whose job application I begin to suspect has been falsified.  Today I told him about the co-worker I had been bitching about yesterday, and how today we were told she wouldn’t be coming in as her son had passed away.  That was a shock and everyone just stood there and said they didn’t know what to say.  I had been so annoyed with her because every time I work with her, she always end up leaving for some period of time for some terrible reason.  When I met her, she was severely obese, pushing 400lbs easy.  I don’t know how she managed the travel, but she ended up having heart surgery twice, so that look a long time to recover from.  She was on her second marriage to a man 10 years her junior and had two boys in their late teens, one of which was a high functioning autistic who was still living at home.  Then she was in a very bad car accident and apparently developed a chronic pain condition.  I didn’t see her for two years but when I did, she had had some type of bariatric surgery as she was now literally half her size and then she had surgeries to remove excess skin.  She said she was getting her tits and ass done but I don’t know if she did.

A while later her sister died, terminal cancer.  Then one of her sons had gotten married pretty young, and fathered a baby born with a congenital heart defect, who lived a while but never made it home.  His fledging marriage didn’t last, and later, this woman got divorced again.  Since we started working together on this project a couple months ago, she’s been absent weeks for her son being sick (no longer at home though), her mother having open heart surgery and most recently she’s been out for 3 weeks, hospitalized with something.  I complained to J about being left in the lurch and scrambling to reassemble the team and not get behind schedule.  About soothing the client while trying to find out what she was working on and get it covered, only to have her call this week and say she’s coming back sometime in the next 2 weeks and can we stop everything and catch her up?

Since I am used to her being gone for personal reasons so much, I wasn’t even feeling much sympathy for her being out sick, but when I heard about her son this morning, I felt terrible.  I couldn’t help thinking that at the same time I was bad mouthing her last night, she was probably receiving the news.  Damn.  How can one person have so much tragedy in a life?  I can’t even imagine.


Being able to wind down together while relaying the day is not something J and I have ever gotten to do before, I’m always on the road, 4 days a week.  It’s been eight years like that, and that kinda blows my mind.  But I really love this time and I know I won’t get to do it forever, I’ll have to go back on the road eventually.  And I just realized how much it means to me.

BitchI generally try and think of non bitching posts for y’all, but goddamnit, sometimes you just can’t fucking turn around without something or someone pissing you off.  And so, you get a post like this.

These are my beefs for today:

– Decided to work from home this morning, as I needed to change the hard drives on a couple of my work machines and would rather have all the tools I need close by instead of rounding everything up and taking it into work with me.  Instead, I could not find any of my teeny screwdrivers (because my husband cannot put things back where he fucking found them) and had to remove all backing screws with a steak knife and some floss.

– After losing my temper at least 4 times with the above mentioned task, I finally get the hard drive changed on the most important machine only to find my asshole IT dept. has encrypted the drive without bothering to tell me what they used.  Am now waiting to hear back after sending bitchy emails and leaving bitchy voicemails.

– Above tasks took much longer than the 2-3 hours I planned, so have decided to just work from home since the day is half gone.  But, going to the kitchen for coffee has revealed a pile of nasty dishes in the sink and I can’t fucking concentrate until I do them.  Annnnnnd since I am waiting on asshole tech support anyway, doing the dishes turned into also folding laundry, re-charging re-usable batteries, sorting/piling/responding to mail, running the vacuum and cleaning the bathroom.  Normally I would feel a sense of accomplishment after doing all these things but today I don’t, I just feel pissed off that I had to do them.

– Today is the first day in a week that I have not felt undeniable urges to eat entire cheesecakes or chow down on massive sides of beef.  For the last 4 days I feel as though I have been doing nothing but eating, and try as I might to ignore the brain chemistry that sends the “FEED ME, BITCH!” signals, I have not succeeded.  I can’t even attribute it to my monthly bitch visit from menstruation, because that ho is still 2 weeks away.  All I know is, I am disgusted with myself and someone has to pay.  (My bitchiness knows no rationality because where’s the fun in that?)

Okay, now You go.

























It may be true that I am a 27-year-old curmudgeon.  And it may be that what I am about to say is nasty, but I’ve just pinned down something that bugs the shit out of me and I figured there was no better place to share it than here.  What I’m going to attempt to describe is something I have come to think of as “cheerleader voice,” and it’s something that has raised my hackles in the last week and caused me to wonder if I’m a hateful, bitter person or if all the people around me are just stupid.


Anyway, my most recent experience with Cheerleader Voice is down to a new girl in one of the American offices of my company.  This new girl is supposedly “great to work with!” and my experiences with her have indeed been pleasant, except for one nagging thing.  She has what I believe is an affectation, a tendency to speak in a breathless “golly-gosh!” voice at all times and a capacity for relentless positivity.  This has been demonstrated in a few ways. 

For instance, while I am not her direct manager, she reports to / liaises with me on a couple of different projects, one of which is straight-up administrative shit-work that I initially process globally; I then then pass on the North American aspects to her to again disseminate to underlings.  Trust me when I say that this particular job is dull, time-consuming, brainless, and a pain in the ass, but someone has to do it, and it’s exactly the kind of glorified secretarial tedium that hard-working chicks get nominated for, because few guys in my company could maintain the necessary attention to detail to execute it.  Also, they would not put up with it.

So, it sucks, but we do it, and it’s not that big a deal in the grand scheme, but you could at least acknowledge that it’s scut work, right?  No.  When I first phoned her to explain it, her response was along these lines:  “Thanks, Tailfeather!  I’m really excited to be working with you on this!  I know it’s important work for the reputation of the company and I really look forward to going forward!  Your instructions were super!  I’ll call if I have any questions!  Thanks so much!!!”  (more…)


Kadinsky (1/12/2009 10:32:24 PM): did you know it’s practically impossible to eat a banana in front of a male in this office?
Tailfeather (1/12/2009 10:32:33 PM): This is a universal truth.
Kadinsky (1/12/2009 10:32:38 PM): you have to break off little pieces first
Kadinsky (1/12/2009 10:32:51 PM): bananas are not a 2 hand job
Tailfeather (1/12/2009 10:32:54 PM): i now do it every morning to be provocative
Tailfeather (1/12/2009 10:33:09 PM): i walk around with it and talk to my male colleagues, taking little nibbly bites
Kadinsky (1/12/2009 10:33:14 PM): I will think of you when I eat one, being provocative
Tailfeather (1/12/2009 10:33:27 PM): and then when they’re transfixed, I take a GIANT SNAPPING BITE
Kadinsky (1/12/2009 10:33:37 PM): lol
Tailfeather (1/12/2009 10:33:37 PM): try it for your own amusement

Next Page »