Interwebs


I can’t believe it’s been nearly a year since I did a post about a piece of advertising that irritates me!  Surely for someone as easily irritated as me, this should be ripe blog fodder and yet I haven’t touched that poisonous fruit in some time.  Wondering how that could be, I’ve come to the conclusion that a) my resistance to live television viewing is strong and b) like most folk in this day and age, I’m so generally bombarded by it as to become largely inured.  I don’t read magazines anymore, so most of my exposure comes from online ads (which barely register, with the exception of the ubiquitous ModCloth ads – cute dresses!) and product placement in films/shows (again, unless someone blatantly pops open and takes an Adam’s-apple-bobbing gulp of Pepsi or ostentatiously places their Apple Mac in the smack-dab center of the screen, I don’t so much notice).

The one place I do notice it is on the street.  Billboards on buses and cabs, posters on buildings, and above all else, the massive adverts along the walls of the tube.  The latter is the only situation in which I am forced to stare at an ad for a prolonged period of time, contemplate it, internalize it.  Nothing subliminal about staring at a Hennessy ad for two minutes while you wait for the train and avoid eye contact with your fellow commuters.  So while I’ve been waiting for the tube every morning for the last week and a half, I am annoyed afresh by this relentlessly stupid Google Chrome ad that’s directly in front of my preferred Stand for the Train Space (halfway down the platform to the right of the entrance, approximately six cars from the back – it’s an art form): (more…)

Advertisements

I’ve been saying for a while now that I hate Twitter.  Well, I don’t “hate” it per se, but I definitely dislike it and I haven’t taken to it, despite my friends tweetspeaking me outside of Twitter (#youknowwhoyouare).  I use it for BCP as a means of web survival only, it’s apparently necessary.  Last weekend I was rolling along under the inspiring effects of some long lost e (but only for a little while ‘cuz that shit was old and crumbly as fuck) and it came to me; Why I Eschew The Twitter.

It’s just not my bag, not my thing.  Twitter is like a 24 lane highway in Texas with everyone madly dashing about, crashing into each other and calling it ‘networking’.  Does anyone need to know that you just bought a pound of pork from the Jewish deli and someone looked at your hangnail funny at the counter or that you hate the infinite loops of FoxPro?  I mean, does this actually affect anyone’s life in a meaningful way?  Nope, sure doesn’t.  The never ending stream of consciousness updates are just so assholishly narcissistic.  I COULDN’T GIVE HALF A SHIT WHAT IS RUNNING THROUGH YOUR PEA BRAIN RIGHTTHISSECOND.

Enter Facebook.  Now, believe me, my intent is not to promote Facebook here, but I prefer to update myself to the virtual universe by hanging on the corner just a sidestep from Twitter Grand Prix.  Facebook Ave is just around the corner from the Twitter traffic flow and it’s quieter, it’s relaxed and most of the time you don’t have to worry about stepping in dog shit.  This may be the one time when Facebook and all it’s slow loading, non notification sending, daily wonk qualities actually come in handy.  It just takes longer to update your Facebook status, more of those precious seconds we have no patience with, which means I hear a lot less chatter and that’s the way I like it.  Like being at a party or bar where it’s 1000 decibels too loud to talk, it’s always a tremendous relief when you find a quieter spot, take a breath and look forward to getting to know the person you have struck up a convo with.  I’m like Jughead, just chillin’ in my hammock, happy to chat for a spell and trade stories or just watch you and the Reggie’s of the world drift by.  Viva la Facebook.  But keep it quiet, yeah?

So I’m a little late to this seahorse seashell party, as this is a classic video that originally made the rounds in 2006 or so.  It’s really best watched under the influence and with little to no explanation so if you haven’t seen it, please do indulge.

Done yet?  My best buddy at home made me watch this about 30 times when I was over the Christmas period and it gets more and more under my skin every time (the boy person was especially concerned when someone cut me off in traffic and I muttered, “Who does he think he is!?  Johnny Hammersticks??”).  Worrisome, like brainwashing.

The two most popular accounts of the origination of “Drinking Out of Cups” are that 1)  the speaker was stoned and left this as a message on his friend’s voicemail and 2) the speaker was tripping acid and his friends recorded him.  Sadly, neither is the case, according to creator Dan Deacon, as he posted on this website and several others last year to set the record straight: (more…)

..Porn Gadgets!  Just in case you didn’t get what you wanted on the most commercial of holidays, fret not for the future of porn is here.  EroticVision.TV is an adult content provider who is teaming up with participating adult websites to provide streaming content previously restricted to your computer screen, on your TV.  Basically, the EroticVision.TV application works by connecting to a Roku Digital Video Player which then converts internet HD content to that which can be displayed on your TV.  There are the expected controls to prevent kids or the very prude from stumbling onto your favorite raunchy scenes, and the makers of the application say the technology is not just for porn but can possibly allow all types of online content to be viewed from the comfort of the La-Z-Boy.

My birthday is in August but it’s never too early, you know……

I don’t think the website Some Ugly Baby is here to encourage baby bodysnarking.  I regard it more as a celebration of those odd babies out who don’t quite fit the Gerber baby mold, those babies that make stangers bite their tongues, those babies that defy convention in their own unknowing way.  I am a fan of the unexpected, subversive, ugly baby.

I don’t have a baby of my own, but I believe I would know if my infant was ugly (maybe, maybe not).  An ugly baby doesn’t mean an ugly adult – it’s obviously a transitional phase that predicts little about a child’s looks in the long-term, which is why I’m not too bothered by how amusing I find ugly babies.  That said, I am always sort of weirded out when I see little kids and can visualize exactly what they’re going to look like in middle age.

This is definitely a middle-aged baby.  A lot of babies look like old men, of course, especially the brand-new ones. (more…)

Bless Worth1000, as it never ceases to amaze and often horrify us with contributors’ creatively-manipulated images.  After the jump, a collection of Frankenstein’s Animal Hybrids for your Monday.  Some are cute, some are creepy, and one in particular will be playing a starring role in my next nightmare (click first image to scroll through gallery). (more…)

cooking%20utensilsAre you a fan of casually abusive blogs, in the style of Fuck You, Penguin?  Do you like to cook?  If you were wondering how to combine these two interests, you might enjoy this blog my friend tipped me to, Cooking For Assholes.

The blog is written by a guy who evocatively describes himself as a “dude who can cook.”  His mission statement?  Behold:

You suck at cooking. You fuck up rice. You think Cayenne is that fat bitch from around the way and Old Bay is the piece of shit that keeps calling the cops on you and your boys. Don’t you think you would get some major action if you were able to pull off an edible culinary concoction? Follow these easy recipes and you will be swimming in the sea of love before you know it. Dap!

Sounds good to me.  If I can’t be tormented by a real-life professional chef, I am open to receiving generic belittlement via the internet and staring at flash-intensive photos of Americanized bangers and mash (I am making that this weekend; it looks good).  As far as I can tell, his only qualifications are being interested in cooking and demeaning his readers, who are more than happy to talk shit right back at him.  I am fine with that, and I don’t mind his Portland-Brah style.

I would, however, challenge him to attempt Kadinsky’s Bacon Explosion.  Hopefully he’ll let us know if he does.

« Previous PageNext Page »