Sports


It’s only a game-deciding goal in the World Cup.  A reasonable venue for the worst call of all freakin’ time.  There are about three American players being fouled, and yet the ref somehow managed to see something no one else in the entire stadium world could.  Amazing.

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Okay, we might as well give up.  Because no one is getting any work done today, not if you have a working internet connection and can read.  Eldrick Tont “Tiger” Woods, Golfer Extraordinaire and Stupid Fucker of the Year is the hot topic for today after one of his mistresses stuck it to him by releasing a hilarious and damning series of text messages she says she received from the Fool.

Sports fans, head over to Deadspin for the original and where you will appreciate some of the comments.  Actually, I’m a bit disappointed in DS today, the early comments were cracking me up but the later ones are just weak.

But VirusWithShoes from Wordsmoker has taken liberties with the texts and has posted his version which has me howling with laughter.  Observe: (more…)

Howdy Sports Fans,

Since I was traveling last week, I missed 2 Sundays worth of NFL games, some (more) MLB bathroom cock-shots, and Allen Iverson retiring…or not.  But thankfully I did not miss out on my chance for the hottest Christmas gift this season; Chad ‘Ocho Cinco’ Condoms!

Numero 85 posted the product mock up on his Twitter yesterday, but you know, I’m still waiting on the official OchoCinco Snuggie, because why not?  Until then, I’m staying entertained with the other NFL player condom suggestions:

The T.O. Condom
They start off well, but as soon as you get someone pregnant the T.O. condom would blame you.

The Michael Crabtree Condom
Good condom but it was suppose to be in stores in July, but didn’t show up until October. Does have S-Curl lubricate though.

The Roy Williams Condom

Advertised as the #1 condom available, so you paid nine times the amount of the Miles Austin version for half of the reliability.

The Steve Smith Condom

Great condom, except the main person buying them (Jake Delhomme) doesn’t appear to know how to put them on.

The Wes Welker Condom

15 times a game, baby!

The Plaxico Buress Condom

No lube needed, just add soap on a rope.

The Randy Moss Condom

You’ll score every time!

The Brett Favre Condom

Still effective, even after multiple uses; a winner every time.

From BSO

Vikings2_02This is a tough one for me, the Vikings are playing the Texans for Monday night pre-season.  Being a Houstonian, I’m a big Texans supporter, and while my hometown team has yet to finish better than 8-8, they have been making improvements and have some solid weapons in Andre Johnson and Mario Williams (finally).  Tonight’s game marks the first time Brett Favre plays the Texans draped in the offending colors of the Minnesota Vikings, and despite talk of a possible cracked rib it looks as though Favre is playing the whole first half of the game.

My impressions of the first half are that the Vikings look good defensively, but not as good as the Packers.  The Texans have surprised me with their quickness to adjust to the Minnesota receivers after Adrian Peterson snuck in a TD run in the opening seconds.  Matt Schaub is still looking like a walking liability, though — hey, maybe we can get a deal on a used Vikings quarterback?

I dunno, I could see a few Texans players showcasing the sleeper spot on my fantasy roster this year – what say you?  Foosball fans, let’s hear your picks.

(Oh, and P.S. I think I have a little crush on Jon Gruden in the booth, such a babyface!)

anguish

shockLast night I suffered through 28mins of Joe ‘I Will Always Be In My Daddy’s Shadow’ Buck’s live show on HBO.  (Yes, I know how you feel and weed is great for nausea, pass it on). And for my trouble, I got to hear my #1 Big Daddy Brett Favre telling me how entirely unimportant all the hoopla surrounding him is, and he’s right.  I don’t think I’m even mad, that laconic drawl of his makes it all so blase.  He basically said his past achievements and record breakers will always be just that, that it’s only football, that it would be a good fit for both his skills and his goals (to play in MN), that time heals all…..and that if Vince Lombardi did it, so can he.  (Hello ballsy!)

And really, who can fuckin’ argue with that?  Playing for the Queens will give Favre the one thing he’s never had, an all star running back and a dominant defense at the same time.

But still, it doesn’t feel right and it makes me sad.  There are not many things I can’t find a way to handle, but watching my Big Daddy play in a purple jersey is one of them.  Le sigh.

But one thing is for certain – without a doubt, no question, hells to the yes and fo’ sho’ – Joe Buck needs to be taken off the air immediately, for the love of god, people!  There are whole wings of decrepit, drugged up seniors and legions of dinner theater patrons just begging for someone of Mr.Buck’s wit and timing to drag them to their excruciating deaths.  Go, Joe!  No really, Joe, GO.

The only entertaining part of the show came after 48mins when Artie Lang starts swearing for the fuck of it and Joe launches daggers at him from his fivehead and announces that his first show has been ruined.  “Please sir don’t smoke that!”  And then there was a hug?  Followed by the douchiest teenage snapshot ever and finally, a closing of Joe puking up words that make you want to pound his balls like they do to Bond at the end of Casino Royale.  So yeah, you didn’t miss anything.

FavreVikings(2)

MY EYES!! MY EYES!!

fallinlove2

Ahh, Fall.  Perhaps my favorite season with it’s beautiful fiery shades in the trees, the crispness to the air, the reduction in humidity and of course, the chance to wear fall fashions.  Here’s what I’m currently in lurve with: (more…)

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