Video Treat


WHERE TO START.  The insistent “breathe!”-cow, the Jamaican (?) rooster, or the key weirdness of the shriveled elf-man and his skinny jeans, displayed to such flexible effect.  Yogie Okey Dokie’s Yogi round-up (sic from video) is the singularly most disturbing thing I’ve received all week, and it is a struggle to pinpoint the most offensive or perplexing thing about it, because there is just so much to work with.  Examples to follow.

  • Um, the opening shot of our new friend Yogie Okey Dokie and his hind-quarters-over-head thing.
  • The dance at 0:18 (trust, it is downhill from here).
  • From 0:31…  I have no words.  NEEMMPPHGGHH… UNGH… yeah, no words.
  • 0:42:  RUN, CHILLEN!!!!  RUUUUUUUUUUUUN!
  • The “chicken scratching in the dirt” at 1:19.
  • What immediately follows (“Nmmmmmemememe.”)
  • What happens right after that (hands-down yogi town.)
  • “Nice anvil, Christian!” at 1:49.
  • Followed by, “Nice tomato!  I’ll save that for my sandwich!”
  • Followed by farm animals going, “Mmmmm, hmmm, mmmm.”
  • VEGETABLE, vegetable, VEGETABLE! (at 2:06) and the subsequent tongue-thrusting insanity.

So… yeah.  Everything IS terrible.  I don’t think yoga for kids is a bad idea at all, and I don’t think that this guy is a pederast – I think he’s just enthused.  But this is such an undeniable and compelling trainwreck I’m pretty sure it qualifies as high art.

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Dear Blog Diary,

Today was a pretty good day.  We had friends stay over last night and got up this morning to make a Sunday breakfast of scrambled eggs, sausages, bacon, beans, and hash browns, served with milk or orange juice.  I put roasted red peppers and goat cheese in with the eggs, and it was all really tasty, if I do say so myself!  Everyone remarked how fancy the gold napkins are that I used to set the table, and I think they offset the pale green placemats very nicely.  We put the BBC news on the television in the background, so that we could all learn about the Basque Separatists and watch video evidence of that cop in Wiltshire who assaulted some lady in custody, and I guess forgot that CCTV would capture him flinging her across a jail cell and busting her face open.  And now we all get to watch it, over and over again!  How silly!  There was also some tech piece about new trends in shopping, but it seemed pretty dumb so I didn’t pay much attention.

After breakfast, our friends went home, and I settled in to watch Gladiators in my nightgown and eat some ice cream.  Boy, that “Spartan” Gladiator is really sexy, but I wish they wouldn’t let him talk!  I like watching him perform muscle-bound feats, though, especially when he was wrestling with that cute teacher on the Pyramid.  Their shorts are so tight, I had to cross my legs and eat more ice cream to cool down!

Anyway, I was sort of annoyed because Boyfriend was using my computer to play his chess games, while I got stuck washing all the dishes.  That was so dumb!  I was scrubbing out a pan and not really listening to the TV, when the opening credits of this cool show came on, and we both stopped everything we were doing to watch!

(more…)

Turns out your cat is just as tormented inside his walnut-brain as you always suspected, complete with middling French accent.  I love this video.

There is a video after the jump that will save your life, but first, I have to introduce it.

Do you remember when you were a kid, and you would pretend to speak Spanish (or French or Swahili or Mandarin), and approximate a bunch of sounds that seemed suitably foreign and, to your ear, could passably compare to the language you were imitating?  Heck, I practiced this at a bar recently when a dude I didn’t really want to talk to approached me and I pretended to be Russian, and quickly mentioned that I “no speeek Eeengleesh” (I thought it was a reasonably muddy Eastern Bloc accent at the time).

My mistake.  “Как поживаешь?” He asked with enthusiasm.  “Ahahaha!”  I said, nervously.  “Yur agzent… bery gud.”  Then I hightailed it to the bathroom to hide.

Anyway, if you have ever been a child, you know what I’m talking about: the pleasures of gibberish and linguistic imitation.  When I attempt the broken, ungrammatical Spanish I sometimes inflict on folk today, I can’t help but give it a little extra UMMPH, a little rrrrroll of the “r” – una pequeña mas pasión! – than I would making the same ungrammatical statement in English.  “I no go… THE BED!” for example.  My Spanish is slightly less sophisticated than that of a very emphatic toddler, but just as intense.

In the same vein, I have wondered before what The English sounds like as a gibberish language to foreigners.  Surely kids in Mexico and Spain and Chile were pretending to speak English in the same insane-o manner I was pretending (still do!) to speak Español.  Turns out, I was right, and there exists a grown-up person music video from Italy (very close to Spain) from 1972 that nicely illustrates the point.

I can’t possibly list all the reasons you should watch this video, but I will start with: (more…)

In December, Michelle Collins over at Best Week Ever turned up this amazing local advert for a perfume retailer ingeniously named the “Smells So Good Perfume Outlets.”

Quoth Michelle:

It was then that I discovered my Winter Jam of 2009. Never before had the epitome of luxury collided with the lowpoint of humanity in such a poetic and marvelous way. This youtube video, taped from directly off of someone’s TV, was the only online proof I could find of this work of art, and frankly its sh*tiness only heightens the dramatic effects of the commercial. It is the Andrew Cunanan of local ads.

Since I couldn’t possibly add anything more of value, I’ll leave her summation at that.  But it is also absolutely necessary to introduce those of you residing outside the UK to a (considerably slicker but no less beguiling) British contribution to the techno-commercial art world, that of We Buy Any Car (dot com).  Yes, you need sound: (more…)

So I’m a little late to this seahorse seashell party, as this is a classic video that originally made the rounds in 2006 or so.  It’s really best watched under the influence and with little to no explanation so if you haven’t seen it, please do indulge.

Done yet?  My best buddy at home made me watch this about 30 times when I was over the Christmas period and it gets more and more under my skin every time (the boy person was especially concerned when someone cut me off in traffic and I muttered, “Who does he think he is!?  Johnny Hammersticks??”).  Worrisome, like brainwashing.

The two most popular accounts of the origination of “Drinking Out of Cups” are that 1)  the speaker was stoned and left this as a message on his friend’s voicemail and 2) the speaker was tripping acid and his friends recorded him.  Sadly, neither is the case, according to creator Dan Deacon, as he posted on this website and several others last year to set the record straight: (more…)

video_store470It is nearly Friday (FIST PUMP!), and I am, as usual, thinking about what movies I will watch this weekend.   I used to watch several a week, but no longer have that luxury as there is no video store within miles of me and I have thus far refused to subscribe to LoveFilm, the UK’s overpriced answer to America’s Netflix.  I think I’ll finally give in when the boy arrives and can share the monthy subscription fee, but for now, I tend to rely on my ever-growing film library.

Renting movies here is expensive.  So expensive, in fact, that it’s arguably the same price to just buy movies I like at the Computer Exchange or Tesco as it is to rent (new releases aside).  A big reason I’ve held out against LoveFilm is that I relish browsing.  I find the most interesting indie flicks, foreign films, and documentaries  that way.  I carry a handful of selections around the store before agonizing over my final decision.  I pick up movies I’ve never heard of and evaluate the cover art and the reviews.  I like that it’s tactile and there are always surprises.  This is my major objection to online shopping in general – so sterile, and so limited by your existing knowledge.  I far prefer to wander around a video store for 90 minutes, or spend a happy half-day at the bookstore.

But that is not the only topic of this post.  Oh, no, you see, the primary topic is actually Movies That Are Guaranteed to Cheer You Up, aka Pick-Me-Up Movies.  What I did is make what I like to call a “pun,” tying in two different ideas with a little “wordplay” – movies that uplift you, and my own side-rant about liking to physically pick up movies.  God, I swear my writing gets better with every post.  So, onwards! (more…)

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