julia1

Julia Child famously asserted that anyone can cook. Preach it, girl! TRUTH!


I really hate it when people try to act like cooking is hard. Time consuming, yes. Hard, no. I asked my husband what he would do if I were no longer around to cook healthy meals for him, and he said that he’d probably eat an alternating menu of takeout pizza and Taco Bell. When we first met, all he had in his fridge was a tub of Country Crock, a pound of bacon, a carton of eggs, a loaf of white bread and a pack of deli ham. The man literally lived on eggs and bacon for breakfast, ham sandwiches for lunch, and fast food for dinner. I don’t know about you guys, but that to me is akin to living like an animal. If I go too long without eating something green, the grass outside starts looking mighty tasty… Just kidding. It’s really a wonder the man didn’t have gallstones or something from all of that sodium he was eating.

Anyway, given where we live now, it’s impossible to survive on takeout because there are no fast food joints or restaurants nearby. We couldn’t live like Jerry Springer’s target audience if we wanted to. Well, actually, we could load up our grocery cart with processed convenience foods, but that shit is expensive, gross-tasting, and unhealthy. So I cook basically from scratch. Every night. And it’s not so bad! There are even a few hours of exercise time and free time left for me every evening (well, OK, not a ton of free time, b/c I have to go to bed at 8:30, but if you’re on a grown-person schedule, you’d prolly have 4 hours a night to chillax). A quick run-down of how it’s done, plus a delicious recipe for your consideration after the jump! (more…)

Advertisements

Oh, y’all. Sometimes this beauty business weighs heavy on my heart. Not only did I hear just this morning that Scarlett Johansson is dieting off her famous, fabulous, enviable curves, but I also got this email from our pal J. Gold:

I’m young. I take good care of my skin. Apparently, though, I must walk around with a quizzical, eyebrows-raised expression on my face at all times because for about a year now I’ve noticed faint horizontal wrinkles on my forehead when I get all up in my bizzness in the mirror. I tried to will away my concern about this as vanity, I gotta deal with aging, you can’t see them if you’re more than two inches away from me blahblahblah until two weeks ago, when I met a 25-year-old (or so she said) who had canyon-deep forehead wrinkles. It aged her terribly and was all I could focus on when I looked at her. It wouldn’t have wigged me out if I’d seen wrinkles like this on a forty-year-old, but this woman was 25. I am now terrified of developing wrinkles like this. Is there anything one can do to prevent wrinkle formation or help smooth them out if you’ve already got ’em? I’m a fanatical sunscreen wearer; is there any other goop I can put on my face to improve the linage situation? I don’t want to be a Nicole Kidmanesque botox-head when I’m older, but I definitely, definitely don’t want a forehead with huge horizontal lines in it. Help!

klingonSrsly, y’all. I look in the mirror sometimes and worry that I’m turning Klingon.


Siiiiigh. Insecurities are such a bitch. But J. Gold’s concern is a legitimate one, and it’s one I happen to share. See, if there’s anything J. and I have in common (besides living in the same state, having mutual friends, and possessing a shared love of sequins and general air of radness) it’s our skin type. So don’t get upset by what I’m about to say. I’m not jumping to any misguided conclusions, I know exactly of what I speak. In short, J: you are so WHITE. I feel your cracker pain, girl. Of every trait I could have gotten out of my crazy-mixed-up heritage, I had to get the Irish-ass skin. Native American cornsilk hair, potato famine skin. Dammit! Oh well, my point is that pale skin is akin to porcelain in both appearance and fragility. Structurally speaking, typically the fairer one is, the thinner and weaker their skin. You know how they say ‘Black don’t crack?” Well it’s pretty much true, and as you follow the color spectrum on down to the truly melanin-deficient, you get more wrinkle-prone skin.

Basically what I’m saying is: your genetics have predisposed that you’re kind of screwed. Sure, there are things you can do to try and stave off wrinkles, but when your dermis is a structurally sound as onion paper, acceptance of the inevitable is the only true path to sanity retention. Now that you’ve been diagnosed with a terminal case of Honkey, I’ll walk you through the coping strategy after the jump. (more…)

pixi

Hey! Remember how I used to blog about makeup before all of the doomsaying and talk of Endtimes set in? Well, I’ve finally got an excuse to get back to that (even if what I personally want to do is encapsulate the contents of my savings account in a cement pillar)!! BCP reader Sonia asks:

Are you familiar with the new PIX (ed: it’s actually Pixi, but their new logo obscures the ‘i’ on the end, there) line of makeup at Target? The lip glosses look fabulous, but at $18.00 a pop these suckers better stay on, moisturize my lips and cook dinner.  Is PIX a yea or a nay?

What are your views on lip stains? What are your favorite brands? Which ones are suitable for women of color? I am finally giving up the spermy lip look.

My recommendations after the jump! (more…)

polar_bear_love

 Since I know our female readership here at BCP is made up entirely of gorgeous, fetching lasses, I’m going to go ahead and assume you dolls get hit on a lot. Some of it’s good, right? There are occasionally guys who can pick up a dame with the style, class, and flair, otherwise we’d all have a shorter and more dismal dating history than Jessica Simpson. Oh, to have a Papa Joe around to hook us up with whatever single fella suits our PR agenda best! However, we’re not going to talk about the good kinds of pick ups. The bad is always so much more fun… (more…)

Well hellooooooooo, Buttercups! Given that H-ween is my absolute favorite holiday, I actually have LOADS of Halloween features stored up in my little brain, but I can’t write any of it, b/c I’m getting slammed at work. Man, fuuuuuck. Anyway, before I bless you all with my horror hound picks for the Greatest Horror Films According to Me, let’s just have a little comment play-time: Tell us, what is your best Halloween costume to date? What is your best Halloween story? Tell us a ghost story! Anything goes! To kick things off, my best costume explained after the jump!  (more…)

  

Makeup has always been one of those things I’m just effortlessly good at. I was good at it before I even cared to wear any on a regular basis. (Oh, teenage rebellion- some kids smoke cigarettes and cut class, I questioned the role of females in society and only painted my face up for Halloween.) So, naturally, I just assumed that if my seriously unskilled ass could do it, that every woman could. Ummmm, no.  It wasn’t until adulthood that I found out you can’t swing a dead cat without hitting at least 4 women who are completely confounded by cosmetics.

    This past weekend, an alarming number of my girlfriends asked me for tips on the sly. Of course, we got too drunk and forgot all about makeovers. Boo. Now that my hangover is wearing off, I’ve been thinking, “if I could give just one simple tip that would prove invaluable to women who are clueless about makeup, what would it be?” Why just one tip? Because I’m lazy and don’t feel like writing anything that’ll take more than 15 minutes. Besides, if I dole out the beauty tips one at a time, y’all will keep coming back. I’m like the neighborhood crack dealer. Or, like, Philip-Morris or some shit.

   Anyway, the Holy Grail of makeup tips concerns eyeliner. (Ooooh, I’ve gotcha now…)

 

(more…)

   mn013_abominable_snowman.jpg

Although this winter is almost over, some of you may still be experiencing the ill-effects of cold weather on your complexion. The chilly winds, erratic temperature changes, artificial heat, and — let’s face it — seasonal-depression-inspired drinking binges aren’t doing most people’s skin any favors. This season even the most naturally gorgeous among us would tend to look more at home terrorizing the Island of Misfit Toys than in one of the pedestrian-yet-annoyingly-perfect spreads in Lucky fucking Magazine.

Common winter skin woes include: red, irritated, chapped skin; unexplainable abundance of acne and oil; dullness, dark circles, and uneven skin tone, and tight, dry flaky skin. In short, winter ain’t pretty. You know it’s bad out when even white girls be gettin’ ashy. Here are my tips and tricks to nurse your skin through this difficult time:

(more…)