Please, someone, stage an intervention.  Pull me out of the shame spiral and keep me from reading Perez Hilton, because I hate it.  I understand that I am hurting America and Jesus by participating in this crass, sophomoric, insulting junk food of a website, driving up his pageviews and thereby empowering the Culture of the Lowbrow, which is rife enough without my additional help. 

 

Due to time limitations and the fact that I have to, like, work for a living and occasionally interact with reality people, I’ve culled my Internet addiction to a few select websites, most of which I am proud to patronize.  This is not one of them.  The self-loathing I feel when that bubblegum pink background pops up is immense and yet, every day at lunchtime, I sit at my humble desk with my greasy sandwich to look at celebrity photos decorated with Paint Shop Crayola penises.  I am so weak.

 

So, what’s my damage?

 

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