*DISCLAIMER: I am nowhere near as sartorially savvy as, say, Fashion Sensei, The Sartorialist, or Geometric Sleep. However, when it comes to the new boutique line Rendez-Vous by Paul & Joe Sister being peddled by notorious fe-mullet mecca Urban Outfitters, well, I just can’t keep my opinions to myself.
Behold! The power of good photography. If you’re anything like me, you’ll be momentarily enchanted by this twee little windowsill-tableau, “Look! A Nico-esque model! Whitewashed apartment! Cute polka dot top! A Well-stocked bookshelf! Oooh, I wanna see more!” However, the colorful vintage ikat rug is swiftly pulled from beneath your feet once you click “view collection“…… (after the jump!) That cute, totally wearable polka dot top? Nowhere to be found in this colection. This is a classic bait-and-switch. For a guy, it’s like bringing home a beautiful woman only to find some unexpected, you know, equipment down there. But, for clothes-loving women, it’s just cruel to draw us in with a pretty picture and a cutesy French name and then give us tired, overdone silhouettes and stylings that would make more sense slupmed over on a plastic lawn chair in front of a mobile home rather than strutting down Houston. You’ll see what I mean:
Um, wait.. Didn’t we just do this? Didn’t we just do the black-and-white-bib-top-with-princessy-sleeves-and-jaunty-pleated-shorts thing like, a year ago with Erin Fetherston? At Target? For, like, $30? This shit is priced at $128. Can you believe that shit? This four-seasons-ago look is going for marked-down Betsy Johnson dress prices. Paul & Joe Sister, I’d laugh in your face if it wasn’t so sad.
Meh. This looks like everything UO has stocked from Kimchi & Blue for the last 3 years or so. On the whole, not a terrible dress. If you’re a size 4 or below. And have no hips. See, this whole slim-cut-dress-topped-with-wide-ruffles thing really only works on the waify. If you have any kind of frame at all, you’ll either look like a corn-fed Icelandic farmer’s daughter off to draw the milk for the next batch of Skeer, or like some kind of cross-dressing linebacker. But, I suspect that if a linebacker were to cross-dress, he’d chose something with a little more Liza than a dowdy cotton/lurex house dress. $228 can buy a whole lot of sequins, Urlacher , you remember that.
As if this dress looking like a glorified apron (at $228) wasn’t enough to turn you away, I’ve got a visual for you: In the 80s, trailor-dwelling, summertoothed waitresses at all-you-can-eat seafood buffets in Louisiana used to wear this dress as a uniform. The look was topped off with frosty blue eyeshadow, denim-colored mascara, fluffy perms, and plastic earrings shaped like fruit. If you can’t imagine that, just picture Juliette Lewis in just about every movie she was ever in in the 90s.
This dress looks like that green and white striped number that Jeffrey Sebelia did for his big Project Runway-winning runway show. You know the dress I’m thinking of- it was the only wearable thing in that collection. And yeah, this is a cute dress, but the fact that I can so easily compare it to something that’s come before (way, way, waaaay before) just speaks to the overall staleness of this whole line.
Now here’s where it starts getting ridiculous. This is NOT a dress. It’s called even a “swing top”, so why is it styled like it’s a dress? What the fuck? Didn’t we exhaust this issue in 2007 with Britney? Didn’t we establish though a lot of hard work and speaking calmly and slowly while avoiding the use of big words that hip-grazing-in-length tops are not to be worn as dresses? Not that this is really even a top to begin with anyway. This looks like underwear. If you dig this look, please do me a favor and save your $132. What you need to do is go to the lingere section at any thrift store in America. You can get this exact top (hopefully not covered in troubling mystery stains) for about $1. You’re welcome?
Aw, HELL naw! What the fuck is this shit? This dress, if we can call it that (because frankly it looks more like a tea cozy from the Weasly residence than a dress), is straight-up truck stop hookin’. How else can you explain the styling? Like anyone, anywhere is going to do their grocery shopping in a transparent knit dress with all-black lingere underneath. I mean, outside of Jacksonville, Florida, that is. For real, the fuggitude of this look nearly defies explanation. It’s equal parts Jodie Foster in Taxi Driver (the underage hooker factor), Alley Sheedy in Short Circuit (the frumpy, fussy factor), and Juliette Lewis (again!) in Kalifornia -or Strange Days, or, you know, any movie she was in in the 90s. If anyone pays $148 to look this trashy and tasteless, I will personally drive over to their house and beat them senseless with life-sized cutouts of Clinton and Stacy. But right now, I think I need to lie down….
July 9, 2008 at 11:59 am
omg i hate when they pull the ol’ switcheroo and then you cant find the stuff in the pictures. its like when magazines use “stylist own” items or whatever and you are left drooling like a lost puppy.
and you’re right, it all looks like the stuff they already carried… except for this black silky romper thing that they have that i have fallen in love with against my better judgment. thankfully the monies factor is keeping me away from it.
July 9, 2008 at 12:02 pm
I dunno whats worse: the dresses or the little-girl poses. Fashion is so uninspired lately, it’s like they aren’t even trying.
July 9, 2008 at 12:10 pm
I like how the model in the pink “dress”/shirt has to actually hunch over so we can’t see her bits. Practical and flirty!
July 9, 2008 at 12:13 pm
The blue dress is actually STUNNING on–the model just doesn’t have enough boobage to fill it out. I tried it on and left the store in tears–it was the perfect summer cotton wrap dress that could transition from work to drinks at a chi chi rooftop bar.
July 9, 2008 at 12:16 pm
I can’t stop laughing at the thought of Urlacher in a sequined dress and Liza wig. Biscuit, you made my day.
As as if I wasn’t sure of it just from occasionally walking past the local UO store, this has just confirmed for me that I am no longer in UO’s target market. Because I have boobs. And hips. And hate overpriced crap.
July 9, 2008 at 12:23 pm
HHD–I actually thought that was cute, too. It could look kind of sexy 50s housewife-ish, too, on someone with curves.
July 9, 2008 at 12:35 pm
So THATS why Urlacher was doing all that yapping about the Superbowl Ruffle.
July 9, 2008 at 12:40 pm
I have that last shirt, actually. Last time I wore it, my slacker male roommate who I am secretly in love with despite his greasy hair and goatee told me I looked like a doily. That was the night I lost my v-card to Ben Stiller in a convertible while drinking a Big Gulp.
July 9, 2008 at 12:43 pm
The styles were tacky, rehashed looking several years ago and it remains the same today.
July 9, 2008 at 1:11 pm
@hamburgerhotdog, @truculentandunreliable: i kinda like that one too. But not for that much money.
July 9, 2008 at 1:14 pm
DZ–Oh HAYLE no, not for that much money. It’s a fucking cotton wrap dress. That shit drives me up the wall! I could make that motherfucker. If I weren’t, ya know, lazy.
July 9, 2008 at 1:21 pm
All I can really focus on is the t-strap heels. Do they list the price for those? Because I kinda like them.
July 9, 2008 at 1:35 pm
I’m pretty sure that when I saw a model pose like that on ANTM, Tyra went ballistic on her ass. I’ve said this many a time: if it looks bad on the model, no way in hell will it look good on me.
July 9, 2008 at 1:36 pm
This stuff all looks like Home Ec sewing projects from high school. I am certain this designer picked up some Simplicity and McCalls patterns on her way from her day job and decided to sew some clothes and make some decent cash.
July 9, 2008 at 1:54 pm
HHD & Truculent: I’m with you. I love a wrap dress so fiercely, and that one looks like it would help fake hips for me with the full skirt (which might be a design flaw in the dress, actually, but I have zero hips and must fake things like that). For $45, hell yes. For $200, you are seriously joking. I’d spend the other $155 on a big ol’ cocktail ring, a swingy 70’s chunky gold braid necklace, a lacy thing to peek out from the top, and some maryjanes to go with it.
July 9, 2008 at 1:55 pm
Cate–I thought I recognized them because I was looking at shoes on their site last week:
http://www.urbanoutfitters.com/urban/catalog/productdetail.jsp;jsessionid=638DFCE85E5565C86BD83BB1A32B3D01.app11-node6?itemdescription=true&itemCount=60&id=13642046&parentid=W_SHOES_HEELSWEDGES&sortProperties=+product.marketingPriority,-product.startDate&navCount=840&navAction=poppushpush&color=
July 9, 2008 at 1:58 pm
Aw, c’mon, Biscuit, you can see those see-thru knitted dresses everyday of the week…just watch the streets on your way to work.
July 9, 2008 at 2:08 pm
@truculent: Ah, once again Frye taunts me with the pretty t-straps. Last year Anthropologie had them in purple, and I drooled. But I don’t think I wear heels enough to justify the cost.
July 9, 2008 at 3:09 pm
@badenbaden: Well played.
July 9, 2008 at 3:13 pm
Thins is, you can get stuff at Urban for way cheaper and cuter than this shite. I happened to cop three dresses yesterday for less than a buck fitty total. I hate Urban’s catalogs, because it rarely rivals the selection you can find in the actual store.
And thank heavens for UO, because even tho I live in fashion mecca NYC, I always shop at the chains, like H&M, Urban, etc. I’m lazy and cheap like that.
July 9, 2008 at 3:21 pm
@badenbaden: i bet you ran your phone bill up with calls to a psychic named janelle, too, huh? what is your glitch?
July 9, 2008 at 3:22 pm
*or, tanell. fuck.
July 9, 2008 at 3:22 pm
For fuck’s sake, I managed to make a dress with BUNNIES on it look more grown-up than all this shit combined. I would happily maim, say, half a dozen PTA moms for that pretty window outfit, though.
July 9, 2008 at 3:27 pm
cate–I know, right? Their t-straps are always so cute, but they’re offbeat enough that I couldn’t wear them that often and I don’t spend that much money on shoes I don’t wear very often. :(
July 9, 2008 at 3:28 pm
SBJ–It’s insane how you ROCK that shit. I don’t get it. If I wore the stuff you wore, I would look completely ridiculous. But you always look awesome.
July 9, 2008 at 4:03 pm
You’re too sweet! Something Laia said recently on her blog that I am constantly trying to remind myself to do is to push the edge of what I’m comfortable with. It’s hard to do!
July 9, 2008 at 5:41 pm
@angiesyounglover: Janelle really speaks to me. Now, I’m off to go hear my favorite band, Hey That’s My Bike.
July 9, 2008 at 7:31 pm
@badenbaden: NO ONE, and i mean NO ONE, can eat 50 eggs.
(if you got the soundtrack [like i did, ee], hey that’s my bike’s song is on it, ala ethan hawke. “got a pothead mama, got a cokehead dad!”) (i probably admitted to more than i should have) (no, fuck it, i love that soundtrack!)
July 9, 2008 at 9:07 pm
BadenBaden: Will you believe that I got to “doily” before I realized what was going on?
Angie’sYoungLover: I love it as well, except for Big Mountain and their shiteous cover of “Baby I Love Your Way.”
July 9, 2008 at 10:02 pm
LL: so…baby, you DON’T love their way? i feel you on that. i’m not for the lisa loeb, but you can’t deny the knack – somehow better when heard at a gas station.
July 10, 2008 at 1:40 am
Ugh, don’t remind me. Although I should probably be grateful that UO has devolved to the point where I no longer want to buy everything in the store the instant I walk in – I never could and still cannot afford it.
Actually, last weekend I tried on a cute dress (Navajo or something in the catalog) and almost wept when I saw it on. It looks meh in the catalog, but it made my boobs and waist look fantastic and was so flouncy and summery – and after I bought it I realized it was way more expensive than I thought. It is now next to my bed, waiting to be returned, and I feel sad every time I look at it.
/overshare
July 10, 2008 at 4:50 am
Excellent point concerning the beautiful photography. It’s amazing how many photographers can make a junk collection look beautiful. Then it is so disappointing to rush to to store only to find what you want isn’t there or it is of amazingly poor quality.
Very interesting post!