My career in Public Health started in the STD/HIV clinics of a southern coastal resort town. I was responsible for interviewing and educating clients that sought HIV testing and follow-up counseling, therefore I’ve heard a wide variety of sexual histories and a curious mix of truth, denial and out-right lies. What follows are a few of the insightful things I learned along the way.
Denial speaks volumes: A middle-aged male presented for HIV testing and in the course of the interview he answered yes to time at a mid-level security prison, no to sex with men, no to IV drug use, and no to prison tattoos. He tested positive and was reinterviewed at which time he quite sincerely stated that he believed he was infected by the grits served at the prison. In the course of his interviews and case management he never acknowledged being raped in prison.
Lesson learned: It is a rare circumstance when men will acknowledge they have been raped. But men are raped in society in a variety of settings to include prison, gang/street violence etc. Any rape situation exposes the victim to risk of infection with any STD. The denial surrounding male rape makes the use of condoms and STD screening all the more important for women to protect their health.
Don’t judge a book by the cover: I have always enjoyed the gift of intuition and sharp personal assessment skills in knowing where an interview and sexual history were headed with a client. But there are always a few wow moments along the way! On two separate occasions I interviewed married men with no readily apparent indications of bi-sexuality. Yet both were actively engaged in sex with men while remaining sexually active with their wife. Both indicated the bi-sexual status was unknown in the marriage. One was career military and the other frequently traveled with work.
Lessons learned: Don’t be afraid to push your sexual partner for details in their sexual history and don’t be afraid to ask a traveling partner how they are spending their time. Vagueness should be a warning sign. There are bi-sexual men that have no effeminate indicators and will resist revealing their preferences to the spouse. This reinforces the need to keep sexual communication open and honest in a relationship.
The IV Drug Connection: I lost track of the number of times I had interviews that revealed a partner found drug works or heard after a break-up of suspected IV drug use in the former partner. These individuals, male and female, were in a very legitimate state of panic over their exposure to HIV and Hepatitis. It may take several months for the body’s immune system to reveal through blood tests if an infection has occurred. The distress, remorse, and frustration experienced by these clients as they worked through the testing schedule were quite striking. Their life was on hold while they awaited each round of test results. Given the stigma of IV drug use, HIV and Hepatitis, the clients frequently endured the waiting period in a private, isolated hell.
Lesson learned: Take the time to learn the large and small clues of IV drug use. Realize that IV drug use is not something people readily admit, so all the more reason to practice safe sex.
In closing, I would say take to heart the responsible and insightful messages of safe sex brought to you by the wonderful ladies of ButtercupPunch. Their collective wisdom and compassion will serve you well throughout a lifetime.
August 1, 2008 at 1:06 pm
It’s so scary to think about the secret lives of men, and how those lives effect the women they sleep with. I remember seeing (maybe on Oprah? I forget) these guys who slept with men, didn’t consider themselves gay/bisexual, and were mostly married or in relationships with women. And the women had no idea. And part of their denial about the behavior being gay extended to not using condoms. Because in their warped logic, bringing a condom to an encounter shows you planned to do it, so as long as they didn’t, it was something that just happened. Insane.
So, again, moral of the story is be safe, ladies!
August 1, 2008 at 2:04 pm
Between the Devil and the Half Doctor, it’s getting pretty damn intellectually hot in here today. The Safe Sex Mafia takes no prisoners.
August 1, 2008 at 3:08 pm
Also, as someone who lives in a Southern coastal resort town that slaps people upside the head constantly to let them know that we are FAMILY FRIENDLY, we sure do have a lot of strip clubs and sex workers. I guess they COULD all be serving our year-round population of 30,000, but I doubt it. My guess is that a lot of golfers and minivan-driving dads are partaking. Watch out, ladies.
August 1, 2008 at 3:22 pm
Beach Bum…check out the yellow pages for “escort service” in your town. We called it the import/export business of STDs in relation to the gold industry.
August 1, 2008 at 3:22 pm
One of my favorite episodes of “City Confidential” is about this prominent couple in a small SC town and the husband (who ends up murdering his wife) has this secret life of strip clubs and hookers in Myrtle Beach. It kind of reminds me of Vegas a bit with that family/sex dichotomy.
August 1, 2008 at 3:22 pm
That should have read “golf industry”…sorry!
August 1, 2008 at 3:25 pm
Just when I thought I had seen every episode of “City Confidential.” I must check into this one.
August 4, 2008 at 1:59 pm
The consequences of bringing an infection into a marriage or LTR, jesus. I couldn’t live with myself.
August 7, 2008 at 6:28 pm
I hate to bring it up again, but in that stupid cheater whore Elle article (Sept. issue), he claimed that “all three” of the other husbands he’d talked to admitted that they were jealous of the cheater whore fucking and then leaving his wife for his 21-year-old slutbag research assistant.
JEALOUS!
Naturally, he kept repeating to all of the disapproving, testy wives of said friends that cheater-whoring wasn’t “contagious” – but if keeping up with the Joneses applies to everything else, why wouldn’t it apply to PYTs as well?
Disgusting pigs.
August 22, 2008 at 1:01 pm
You MUST read my story! It is UNBELIEVABLE!!! stoiccupcake@wordpress.com