In light of that the DNC is going on, people are totes uptight about stuff, and my head is about to explode due to wedding planning madness, can we please just talk about shit that utterly does not matter? K, thanks. I want to take this moment to bag on a national monument to bad acting and poor project choices: Claire Forlani.
Normally, the Forlani schadenfreude in my household is limited to the family Panda watching Meet Joe Black every single time it comes on TV… So that we may laugh at it. That movie is so bad, it makes us positively giddy. The ‘can’t take a damn thing about this film seriously’ factor is so high, that we can’t even call Brad Pitt’s character “Joe Black”, “The Reaper”, “Death” or whatever. We have to call him “Meet Joe Black.” One of us will get up to go to the bathroom, come back and say, “What have I missed? Is Meet Joe Black on about peanut butter again? That man is positively obsessed!” or “OOH! Is this the part where Meet Joe Black talks all Jamaican for no reason? Fantastic!” The saddest part is, that MJB is probably the best movie Forlani has ever been in, and it’s not like hers was a standout role. She plays “underfed pretty blue-blood girl whose nonthreatening looks and quiet (read: boring) grace cause an undead(?) man to fall for her (like it’s hard or something).” More Forlani bagging and the reasons why to pour yourself a big ole cup of skinny Brit expat h8erade after the jump.
Despite her prominence in MJB, the only time she’s ever been called upon to help carry a movie, most of the time, Forlani’s mousy inoffensiveness is pretty easy to overlook while she’s on screen. The trouble comes with looking at her career as a whole. I mean, really, her IMBD reads like Tori Spelling’s daily positive affirmations. And seeing all her “work” in one place really recalls all of the wooden emoting you spent so much time ignoring: The prettily aloof waitress in Mystery Men. The prettily bitchy girlfriend in Basquiat. The pretty attempt to fill theater seats in Jackie Chan’s The Medallion. The pretty girlfriend Jason London so desperately tries to win back in The Most Dated Movie Since the Village People’s Can’t Stop the Music (aka Mallrats, people). The prettyrexic, unconvincingly depressive Maggie Cassidy character in the utterly unbearable The Last Time I Committed Suicide (seriously, I was only 15 at the time, and well into pointless, depressing, navel-gazing films, but I couldn’t even FINISH this one). The pretty bit-part girlfriend in.. Anti-Trust? GAWW! She was in that stinker? Ugh, and did you guys know it was originally called “Conspiracy.com”? Oh my god, so bad. So bad. Ooh! And look here, she was in a film I’ve never heard of called Going Greek in which she plays a sorority girl (at 30 years of age, people) and IMDB say her scenes were deleted. That’s cold, yo. But, before you start feeling sorry for our gal Claire, I think two of her latest releases have enough pure concentrated douche extract to power-clean your pity glands to an industrial shine.
First, she was recently in a movie called In the Name of the King: A Dungeon Siege Tale. The title of this should really stand alone in it’s ability to make you chuckle at Forlani’s expense. I was originally going to leave it at that, until I explored further. Prepare yourselves. You may want to sit down and make sure you’re not eating or drinking anything right now, so as not to choke to death on your mirth:
This is a period movie movie. Starring Jason Statham, (What Ever Happened to) Leelee Sobieski, Burt Reynolds’ Facelift, and Ray Liotta. Oh. My. God. And, to make matters worse, it’s a full-on, video-game-based Lord of the Rings ripoff! The plot is based around Statham’s character, the oddly monikered Farmer, avenging the plunder of his family at the hands of hybrid animal warriors. Think about that. Animal warriors that, according to Canada.com’s Jay Stone, are “half beasts that look like Orcs in the sense that the seven-year-old who comes to your house at Halloween looks like Batman”. You can’t make this shit up.
But the worst is yet to come. Ever comfortable in her barely-on-screen love-interest role, Forlani has again lent her copious “acting chops” clavicles to another F-list leading man in need: Toby Keith. Yes, you read that right. Claire Forlani is the leading woman in the racist, redneck propaganda film Beer for my Horses. I trust that anyone reading this blog hasn’t seem B4mH, so I’ll give you the low-down on the plot: All-Amurrican po-lice deppitty and brawny heroman Toby Keith and his All-Amurrican good-guy buddy cop friend set out to protect their small, Amurrican Okie town from being overrun by drugs. Their efforts include trying to protect some fertilizer tanks from being turned into meth. Some Mexican drug lords show up and do bad-guy stuff including try to make and sell drugs and, of course, kidnap Forlani. Now, in case any of you are doubting the “Brown Panic” messages this film is attempting to sell, let’s take a look at the lyrics of the song this film is based upon:
Grandpappy told my pappy back in my day, son
A man had to answer for the wicked that he’d done
Take all the rope in Texas
Find a tall oak tree, round up all of them bad boys
Hang them high in the street
For all the people to see
That
Justice is the one thing you should always find
You got to saddle up your boys
You got to draw a hard line
When the gun smoke settles we’ll sing a victory tune
And we’ll all meet back at the local saloon
And we’ll raise up our glasses against evil forces singing
Whiskey for my men, beer for my horses
Yeah. You read that right. It’s a call-to-arms for rednecks to bring lynching back into fashion. Try replacing the words “bad” and “evil” with, say, “black” or “colored”, if you really need the thinly-veiled message spelled out for you. WOW. Not only can I not believe this film was greenlit (written, produced and starring Toby Keith, natch), but I can’t believe otherwise-not-so-bad people like Forlani, Willie Nelson, and Gina Gershon went along with it. I realize times are tough. The economy sucks and we’re all hard-up. But really, Claire, I never thought I’d say this but- you are better than this. You’re fucking British, OK! What the hell are you doing starring in a movie for violence-romanticizing, war-mongering, xenophobic yanks by violence-romanticizing, war-mongering, xenophobic yanks? As much as I hate most of your movies, I can admit, Claire, that you’re not this bad. You’ve got potential. You’ve got your Fiona Apple-ish looks, your name-recognition factor is pretty admirable for someone who chooses such crap roles, I mean the sheer amount of creepy fansites I stumbled across while researching this post has to count for something, eh? And you’re married to Dougray Scott, which is lovely. So please, lady, don’t throw it all away on racist vanity projects. Please fire your agent. And, you know, were I not concerned about making myself sound like an asshole, I’d also suggest a post-agent-firing celebratory cookie or 10. But I’m not that gal. So keep doing what you’re doing, except… not.
Anyway, tell us which actors you love to hate on in the comments!
August 27, 2008 at 2:39 pm
Right there with you on the Claire Forelorney despisement.
Here’s the next generation of that dimwit: http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0267812/ You may remember her from The Departed, as she was the only female character in the whole fucking movie, so they made her sort of transparent so as not to overpower any of the male characters. Yikers! Can’t be havin’ that! Someone’s boner will droop!
Why does Ho’wood insist on force feeding us anemic bone sacks and try to tell us that this is the ideal?
August 27, 2008 at 2:40 pm
That other Claire: Danes. Hate. So close!
August 27, 2008 at 2:44 pm
FUTK
August 27, 2008 at 2:50 pm
i would watch that shitastic movie for one reason only: Jason Statham.
i don’t even need the sound on.
August 27, 2008 at 2:51 pm
This is so good. Lately you can’t keep Jason Statham from a bad film if you tried! And yet I feel compelled to watch all of them. In the name of the king it is!
August 27, 2008 at 2:52 pm
MMB – Word. I don’t even have a reason though.
My biggest dose of unreasonable dislike falls on Eliza Dushku. Haaaaaaaate, but luckily her career is even worse than Claire Forlani’s, so I don’t have to see much of her.
You know, I never thought of Beer for my Horses like that (the song, which is actually a duet with Willie Nelson). Toby Keith isn’t exactly known for being, um, understated. So if he really meant it to be offensive, I’m pretty sure he’d just put a boot in your ass.
August 27, 2008 at 2:55 pm
Oh, I just read the Toby Keith part. There is no one worse. A couple of weeks ago I was trapped in Krystal waiting for my Friday night sliders and Toby Keith was on Glenn Beck’s show, and they wouldn’t change the channel. It was bad. The worst was the fact that Toby was wearing sunglasses on top of his head, as if he had just wandered into the studio and said “okay” to a sit-down. I tried forever to find a picture of his lame ass sunglassed head, but no dice.
August 27, 2008 at 2:56 pm
That movie is so bad, but the house in that movie is unreal. The indoor swimming pool is amazing and beautiful and I hate that Claire Forlani got to own it, even in a fictional sense.
I would like to add Neve Campbell to this list.
August 27, 2008 at 2:56 pm
Oh, and Katie Holmes, of course.
August 27, 2008 at 2:58 pm
oh shnap! the cutting room floor. poor claire. maybe its because YOUR ANNOYINGASS VOICE. could anyone even HEAR her in “meet joe black” because it’s one of those lameass movies that you turn the volume up to hear her little annoying voice and then the music is extra fuckin loud so you have to lower it again and then on and on and on. KILL ME. you are so on with this one, biscuit. i got your back like it’s mah job.
August 27, 2008 at 3:00 pm
MICHELLE TRACHTENBERG. grand canyon couldn’t harness my hate.
August 27, 2008 at 3:16 pm
Oh, but Meet Joe Black is up there with Legends of the Fall as Laughable Movies That Are the Peak of Brad Pitt’s Hotness. (Because then he let himself go.)
Claire Forlani is also in a made-for-Lifetime movie version of Nora Roberts’s novel Carolina Moon. Which is kind of a good thriller, if I recall correctly. (What? I like romance novels. A lot.) It is, however, a scorchingly awful movie, even by made-for-Lifetime standards, because a) Oliver Hudson is the supposedly sexay love interest, and b) Claire is, um, not from anywhere called Carolina and cannot sound like it if her life depended on it. Oh, and c) she has blue-toned psychic flashbacks to her best friend’s rape and murder throughout the movie. The parts where Jacqueline Bissette screams at her with a cocktail in the other hand are okay, though.
August 27, 2008 at 3:40 pm
oh, my addition to the irrational hate list is a crowd fave: Kirsten ‘ScaryBabyButterTeef’ Dunst.
August 27, 2008 at 3:55 pm
AYL: You beat me to it with the Michelle Trachtenberg comment! I doubt anyone could’ve made the part of Dawn in BtVS work, but she just murdered it within five minutes. And when she showed up in Gossip Girl I screamed bloody murder at my screen.
K: I agree about Kirsten Dunst. Hated her since I laid eyes on her in Interview With The Vampire.
I’d like to add Maggie Gyllenhaal and Scarlett Johansson (I know, the young women I’m supposed to LURVE because they’re not just young, blonde and stupid, but whatever).
August 27, 2008 at 4:02 pm
@paisleypajamas: ahhhhhhhh! i HATE when that chick comes on the screen!!
this is another one that annoys the shit outta me: http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0949744/
August 27, 2008 at 4:04 pm
@haguenite: her role as dawn is what did it for me! did i have a problem with her in hariet the spy? no. pete & pete? no. buffy? YES. go away dawn. Where’s MsDirector? I know she will share the hate, because we’ve talked about this before. SHE RUINED THE SHOW. and then it was that lame ass eurotrip lame movie. god. unlike wine, michelle gets sucky with age.
August 27, 2008 at 4:11 pm
“her IMDB reads like Tori Spelling’s daily positive affirmations”
Hilarious. If the wedding dosen’t work out, I’ii fucking marry you. Welcome back.
Oh and Scarlett Boobhansson is my ICH. She can’t act for shit. She even sucked in the Spongebob Squarepants movie.
August 27, 2008 at 4:13 pm
@AYL: I just rewatched Once More, With Feeling tonight (spent half of my vacation listening to the soundtrack) and I kept rolling my eyes every time there was a shot of her.
ACK! I SO hoped she’d get killed at the end of the series, but nooooooo. Joss had to kill off someone I actually liked.
Don’t mind me, I got my boxed BtVS set a few short months ago and am sort of back in the zone. Also, I rewatched Dr Horrible for the umpteenth time and want to strangle and hug the Whedons, all at the same time.
And speaking of Dr Horrible, the actress who plays Penny is also mildly annoying.
August 27, 2008 at 4:15 pm
speaking of buffy, i truly, truly hate Sarah Michelle Gellar. I can’t even remember why, and I never even watched that show, but I know I just do. That is how irrational my hatred is.
also, i just read another review for Death Race (starring Jason Statham) and am very much looking forward to all that hilarity.
August 27, 2008 at 4:16 pm
@missbish: I hate how everyone always gets so overexcited about Scarlett’s boobs. Really, they’re not that special! Wanna see special boobs, come over to my place. Scarlett’s boobs are a dime a dozen.
August 27, 2008 at 4:17 pm
@ AYL and Haguenite: Sad but true: When I was younger and much blonder people used to tell me I looked like Kristen Dunst. Uh-e-squeeeeze-me? Do I look like I’m a Russian prostitute with fangy teeth? Gee, T’anks! Since I’ve become an old, no one says that…yay! Upside to getting older!
@ kadinsky: At first peek I thought that was Julie Delphi, who I would also like to add to the list, especially after she was on Bill Maher as the “token chick” and came off so bubble-headed that she was just beggin’ for a smack.
On the tag “The inability to act one’s way out of a paper sack,” can someone PLEASE tell me where this saying comes from? It has to be a good story, I’ve just never heard it explained.
August 27, 2008 at 4:17 pm
@haguenite@missbish: Thirded on Miss Scarlett J. She is just terrible, although I did like Ghost World, but that was all about Thora.
I would also add Jessica Alba to the list. She can only make like, two faces, pouty and not pouty. Argh. And, while y’all may hate me for this, I can’t stand Matthew McConaughey. He’s the same guy in every role. Himself.
August 27, 2008 at 4:19 pm
@M: You know, I don’t really like SMG either, but for some reason I really don’t mind her on/as Buffy. She’s kind of endearing in the first seasons, and after that you sort of see her as part of the furniture, I guess. Her singing voice does annoy me at times, so I guess it’s a good thing there was only one musical episode?
Gosh, I should stop with the threadhijack and go to bed. I only got back from holiday a few hours ago and my own bed seems like a glorious place to be right now.
August 27, 2008 at 4:19 pm
Kate Hudson. Julia Roberts. Emmy Rossum or whatever her fucking name is. Brittany Murphy.
Men:David Caruso. Ben Stiller (sorry — such a ham. “Flirting with Disaster” was the only Stiller film I could handle). And I am very, very iffy on Will Ferrell. Do not like the ham.
These irrational hatreds are always more interesting than the obvious ones like Tom Cruise or Tori Spelling. Sometimes I just take an irrational dislike to someone’s face or voice or demeanour on talk shows.
August 27, 2008 at 4:20 pm
P.S. Toby Keith fucking gives Okie Boys a bad name. I loves me some Okie Boys and they aren’t all a bunch of bloated yesterday’s heroes from the gridiron.
August 27, 2008 at 4:20 pm
@haguenite: I couldn’t agree more! I think it’s just because they’re the only big, real ones in hollywood. And talking about them means you don’t have to talk about her “acting”.
August 27, 2008 at 4:21 pm
@ Trixie: Holy Shite! How did I not state Julia Roberts right up front! Ugh. Some day I would like the opportunity to park my car in her mouth. I’ve spent the last 25 years certain it would fit…with room for the mountain bike.
August 27, 2008 at 4:21 pm
Aw, but Matthew McConaughty is just man-candy. I went to see that flimsy pic with Kate Hudson in the theatre a few months ago just so I could gawk at his bod. I doubt he even takes himself seriously as an actor.
Really. I need to go to bed. *slaps self*
August 27, 2008 at 4:21 pm
Andie McDowell. HATE.
August 27, 2008 at 4:22 pm
@ Haguenite: Scarlet Boobhanssens boobage was positively obscene in Ghost World, which is one of my favorite movies, but GEE-ADS! Every time they show her you expect her to have a wardrobe malfunction in that 1950s torpedo bra they have her in. Ick.
August 27, 2008 at 4:23 pm
Matthew McConaughy = mentally retarded attention whore
August 27, 2008 at 4:23 pm
@paisley
delphi has pretty hair, though, and i liked the before/after/sunset/sunrise movies. she is a bit of an idiot, though.
@ trix
apparently ben stiller is a DICK. i have it from a very reliable source that he went beyond treating his assistant like shit and actually punched the wall beside her head a few times. not ok. i now boycott everythign with him in it, and it is not. hard. well, except for the royal tenenbaums. i already owned it and i refuse to get rid of it.
August 27, 2008 at 4:23 pm
@trixie: omg, yes, Caruso! Let the glasses do the acting. He is out shined by a prop on every episode of CSI:Bikini.
August 27, 2008 at 4:25 pm
I hate Jennifer Love Hewitt. She makes me see red.
Others on my short list of dislike: Tara Reid, Jessica Simpson (not really an actress, but ANNOYING), and Courtney Cox.
August 27, 2008 at 4:29 pm
M, I am with you on SMG. She just bugs me. As do Zach Braff, Natalie Portman, Leelee Sobieski, Adrian Grenier, and Helen Hunt.
August 27, 2008 at 4:30 pm
Look, I know he’s charming and handsome but George Clooney shits me. His smug mug has grated on me since ER. Oh, and Christian Slater is the anti-christ but easily avoidable.
August 27, 2008 at 4:31 pm
@ sigourneyfever : ZACH BRAFF! That passive-aggresive whiny cunt! GOOD ONE!
August 27, 2008 at 4:33 pm
@trix: ahaha! David Caruso just draws me in during CSI Miami, I get fascinated by the mascara on his ginger lashes.
but then that chick that plays Calleigh comes on and I spend several minutes ragging on her inability to emote anything on her face.
and Ben Stiller is a surefire way to ensure I never watch the movie.
August 27, 2008 at 4:42 pm
@sigourneyfever: NATALIE. YES. i didn’t want to say her because usually everyone is all “she’s so brilliant, omg, she’s ahead of her time, omg, she’s a classic beauty, omg.” i don’t trust her. i feel like she knows she’s good, you know? eeeughhh. also, leelee always reminds me of helen hunt (or vice versa, whatever) – is that why you hate one or the other? because they remind you of the other?
@whoever’s on the scarlett hate: what about her voice? i would carry the burden of all of your scarlett hate if i.could.just.have.that.voice.for.myself.
@paisley: i wouldn’t mind being told i look like kirsten. when she’s on her game and off her coors, she’s very pretty, i think. but same thing: when i was younger and lindsay lohan was younger and we both were covered with freckles and auburn/brown hair, people would say to me “ya look like that girl from the parent trap, you do. whatttser name…lindsay lohan? the twin girl…” and i would roll my eyes because, gah, leave me and my freckles alone. but now that she’s older and hot and blonde and now that i’m older and not and my freckles have faded, no one says it anymore. :(
August 27, 2008 at 4:47 pm
Keira Knightly. PLEASE make her stop. Or stop giving her jobs. GAH. Cannot STAND her.
Also with those that named Kirsten Dunst, ScarJo, Jennifer Love Hewitt, Kate Hudson, and Neve Campbell. Also, I don’t hate her, per se, but Jennifer Hudson sucks.
And Matt McConaughy was really good in “A Time to Kill.”
August 27, 2008 at 4:49 pm
I’ll third (or fourth, or fifth) the hate for Ben Stiller. You’d think a man who looks like a monkey would have more empathy for the animals that appear in his shitastic films, but no. It seems to be an “element” in every one of his stupid flicks that a small animal is injured somehow, whether it’s a toy dog in a body cast or a ferret on a leash being led straight into a trash can. So.not.funny.
August 27, 2008 at 5:28 pm
Bananaballs: Keira K. is a giant c-word. She hates women. A colleague of mine interviewed her and she was a total bitch. We would play back the tape over and over again and howl at her outrageous snotty bitchiness. And yet, strangely enough, she was sweet and flirty to all the male journalists who interviewed her at the same event.
August 27, 2008 at 5:29 pm
Ben Stiller is the one reason I am not against animal testing. I live in hope someone will kidnap him and put him in a small cage, where he will spend the rest of his days with post-docs shoving bananas in his bleat-hole and trying to teach him sign language.
August 27, 2008 at 5:30 pm
Keira effing Knightley.
There are many many others, because I am a hateful bitch, but she’s right on top.
August 27, 2008 at 6:07 pm
Kate Beckinsale. Serendipity did it for me.
August 27, 2008 at 6:31 pm
trixie: AND SHE’S NOT EVEN SEXY. I don’t get it. Good to have hateration confirmation, though, I guess.
August 27, 2008 at 6:45 pm
She’s sexy if you find Jay Leno sexy.
**shudder**
August 27, 2008 at 7:32 pm
I hate Toby Keith more than I hate John McCain. If Sandler is in a flick, I am not watching it. He keeps remaking the same movie over and over and over….I luvs me some Gabrielle Union, but she needs to start picking better movies. I give her a pass because Ho’wood is not too friendly to women of color.
I am not enamored with Jennifer Love Hewitt or Ryan Phillipe.
August 27, 2008 at 7:38 pm
Jennifer Love Hewitt and Chris Elliot.
August 27, 2008 at 7:52 pm
I hate Vincent D’Onofrio with the white-hot intensity of a thousand suns.
August 27, 2008 at 8:07 pm
Sharon Stone.
When she was promoting Basic Instinct II, she kept being all, “Yes, everyone. I know you all want to see my tits. And there will be tits, people.” Like her boring assed tits are something special to see. Fuck off, Stone.
August 27, 2008 at 8:24 pm
Um, so, like, I LIKE Toby Keith. I saw him live last year. He’s done a bunch of really good songs. I hate the boot-in-your-ass song, but “I Wanna Talk About Me” and “I Love This Bar” and that one with the football dude in the video are all great. And I already knew all the words to “Beer for My Horses.” And he’s gone on Colbert twice at least. So please don’t make assumptions about musical taste? Thanks.
August 27, 2008 at 8:31 pm
@lindzertart: omg, yes! Chris Elliot was the most vile thing i ever laid eyes on when that dumbass Cabinboy movie came out — and he had some show on Fox and was always fucking on somewhere. thank gawd he’s dropped out of (my) sight.
August 27, 2008 at 8:41 pm
@dictator
i don’t think anyone was making assumptions about musical taste. i like many country singers in the same genre as toby keith.
but i think he’s an ignorant asshole, and his shitty treatment of my bffs aka the dixie chicks during the aftermath of their TOTALLY AWESOME statement re: bush/war secured my dislike forever.
August 27, 2008 at 9:23 pm
Cameron Diaz BUGS. She’s the one person who if she’s in a movie I will refuse to see that movie, no matter how great it looks otherwise. I just cannot stand her.
And don’t rag on Mallrats! I love that movie! “What, like the back of a Volkswagen?”
August 27, 2008 at 9:40 pm
I third the SMG dislike. She’s so wet and whiny looking, how could she slay anything?
Adam Sandler just needs a fork sticking up his nose, stat. I’m suprised no one’s mentioned him yet considering all the awful films he’s done.
I used to hate Tara Reid but that’s faded to pity.
Do not understand why K.K is so famous, she is just inspidity personified.
August 27, 2008 at 9:53 pm
Why do men fawn over this type of little cookie-cutter, pinch-faced, bobbed hair twit??? She, and her ilk, are the equivalent of a saltine cracker.
August 28, 2008 at 1:39 am
Of course Keira Knightley is pissed, she can’t figure out how to stop walking around like she’s got a mouthful of piss!
Jennifer Love Hewitt. Hate that cunt. Hate Zach Braff. HATE fucking LOATHE DESPISE ABHOR Val Kilmer, that bloated fuck. That’s all I got for now.
August 28, 2008 at 8:03 am
Adam Sandler.
Chris Farley.
David Spade.
Julia Roberts.
Eva Longoria.
Kate Beckinsale.
April 22, 2016 at 4:07 pm
I started watching “Precious Cargo” about 20 mnts ago, but as soon as I saw her, I just stopped right away… my whole body churns at the very sight of her… But, let’s not forget eva mendez… I still don’t get why hollywood insisted on suppositorying her so hard into us for a while back there…
August 28, 2008 at 8:18 am
that hayden pantyliner girl or whatever
August 28, 2008 at 8:19 am
Mine is Vince Vaughn, can’t stand to watch any movie he’s been in since Swingers.
August 28, 2008 at 8:52 am
I can’t believe no one has mentioned Ashton Kutcher. His very existence annoys me.
August 28, 2008 at 8:56 am
TheDom: For some reason, BECAUSE of Swingers, I have always adored Vince Vaughan no matter how bloated and hackneyed he becomes. Trent was just such a great character and I can never forget him, and always see him, when I see Vince.
August 28, 2008 at 9:05 am
@SouthernSatine: YES I can’t believe I forgot him, he makes me want to rip my eyeballs out.
August 28, 2008 at 9:18 am
I’mma throw a vote in for Cameron Diaz. THE WOMAN CANNOT ACT and furthermore, I don’t see all the beauty there that other people see. And her girly / surfer / peppy act makes me want to kill.
Bend it Like Beckham is one of my favorite movies of all time, and I STILL don’t like Keira Knightley. She slightly redeemed herself in P&P, but she’s on my list too.
And Katherine Heigl, though it’s been said before. And my distaste for her doesn’t stop me from watching my Roswell DVDs.
August 28, 2008 at 9:21 am
@inchworm: How have I known you this long and we have never discussed what is apparently a huge mutual love all all things Dixie Chick?
August 28, 2008 at 9:35 am
Has no one said Renee Zellweger?
cause i HATE that bitch and her squinty eyes more than almost anything. HAAAAATTTTEEEEE.
also dislike many of the already-mentioneds although I am adding Jennifer Aniston to the list. It has nothing to do with being pro-Angelina and everything to do with being anti-Jen. I just think she sucks all around and is the female equivalent of Matt McConaughey – she just plays herself in everything.
I also vehemently despise Justin Timberlake for lots of reasons, including his awful taste in women.
August 28, 2008 at 10:23 am
AYL: Sorry I’m late! OMG Michelle Trachtenberg, ol’ Shiny McWhiny herself. I am a die-hard Buffy fan, but I CANNOT WATCH Season 5 because she’s so goddamn irritating. BLARGH. HATE.
Hates previously named: Kirsten Dunst, Scarlet Johansson, Claire Fucking Danes (she’s a major one), Katie Holmes.
Also: Tobey Maguire, he of the two and only two facial expressions; Josh Hartnett, he of the dead eyes; Jessica Alba, she of the total vapidity; Dane Cook, he of the no redeeming qualities whatsoever.
August 28, 2008 at 10:39 am
@MsDirector: Tobey Maguire all the way. Facial expression #1 – Dopey. Facial expression #2 – I Just Shit My Pants.
He and ScaryBabyButterTeef are why the Spiderman franchise got none of my money.
August 28, 2008 at 11:00 am
@Kadinsky: Me, too! I fucking hate those movies. I do not understand why they get so much love, from audiences or critics. Maguire and Dunst do NOT equal entertaining acting, and repeating the line “With great power comes great responsibility” every six seconds does not equal character development or depth. GRR, ARG.
August 28, 2008 at 12:51 pm
@msdirector: she should have died. buffy should have lived.
August 28, 2008 at 3:34 pm
I hate Tim Allen SO MUCH. When I heard that Heath Ledger died, my first thought was “Why couldn’t it have been Tim Allen?”
August 28, 2008 at 9:37 pm
@soleil moon pie: i have been laughing at this for a full 5 minutes now. tim allen sucks.
and patricia heaton, but i don’t even count her as an actual celebrity.
August 29, 2008 at 8:43 am
KIRSTEN DUNST.
HATE. Will cover ears and walk out of the room if her face flickers across my screen.
August 4, 2012 at 4:10 am
I wasn’t going to comment since this post is 4 years old, then I saw Renee Zellweger and Keira Knightley were on the list and I just got so excited…I actually found this site by googling “What is wrong with Claire Forlani” just to see if anyone hates her as much as I do. To this freaking amazing list, I’d like to add Jaime Murray…She is THE WORST.
December 6, 2012 at 10:53 am
Thank you all! How about Gwyneth…makes me puke just to type it…and her blog from hell with self-important, self-absorbed crap?
January 19, 2013 at 11:38 pm
Worst website I’ve ever mistakenly clicked on to and I’ve seen one girl two cups.
April 10, 2016 at 11:02 am
Ping
April 22, 2016 at 4:10 pm
I started watching “Precious Cargo” about 20 mnts ago, but as soon as I saw her, I just stopped right away… my whole body churns at the very sight of her… But, let’s not forget eva mendez… I still don’t get why hollywood insisted on suppositorying her so hard into us for a while back there…
July 31, 2021 at 10:15 am
Dead on! She ruins MJB! I am trying to watch again, but I became so irritated watching her sparse acting techniques that I can barely to it – elongated use of her eyes, a wide smile, looking down, and then smiling again. You can even count the minutes (ok, exaggeration, but it feels like minutes) she exploits each. It becomes so tedious. Melting good looks? Yes. As her only acting device? Really! She emits no spirit or pazazz. The movie really needed this to carry it off. Brad Pitt was trying to convey the naivety of his character during the kissing scene, but he looked so bored that he simply couldn’t. I came upon your entry typing a search about the same topic – Claire Fortana, the worst actor ever? However, as usual, Anthony Hopkins is divine. Thanks for your satisfying and acidic evaluation.
August 16, 2021 at 11:39 pm
Just happy to hate on a few with backup from you guys. Thanks