I only wish my consumer confidence could be as high as this bitch’s hair….
Hey Hookers. Being that I’m not exactly rolling in money, I’ve not bought any new products since around Christmas, so I’m not really able to supply you with product reviews. Pooh. I know I’m in Depresh Mode when I’m posting about what other people are posting about instead of actually dipping my toes in the beauty pond. Oh well, here’s a roundup of things I’ve found interesting on the interwebz… Oh OK, and I threw in a product review for you on the end, there. Enjoy!
KNIFE COMB
I want you. The right way. I want you. And I want you to want me, too. Want me, baby. Just like I want you.
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FUNKY FACIAL
http://www.babyassface.com/babyassface/2009/03/a-cat-food-facial-is-it-really-all-that.html
Babyassface wins this round. Haaaands dowwwwn. She got meh. Keep in mind: this is a girl who scrubs her nose with butter and salt, and used Crisco as a night cream. Yeah.
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PINK STREAK
Julia Roberts on the red carpet for Duplicity with pink streaks in her hair. I love this and I really hope it becomes a trend. Only, I’d rather see folks sporting a more subtle thang. Like, teensy, thin, pastel pinks, lilacs and yellows in their hairs. Sign me up for mint green! Peeps-inspired beauty! Gorge! Am I drunk?
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OOH LA LA
http://www.garancedore.fr/en/2009/03/19/un-truc-de-filles/#more-5230
Garance Dore’ gets lasered, chickens out, says “bien sur” and “mais oui” a lot. I love her.
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FIIIIIIERRRRRRCE
Christian Siriano has a makeup line. For the hot tranny/fierce tranny in us all.
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BUMP
Sad to say it, but teased hair has officially jumped the shark. Look at this gallery and try to tell me otherwise.
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RETCH
I’m so sick of fuscia lipstick I could vomit magenta.
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NOUVEAU RELAXER
Apparently, the new celeb hair trend in the Brazilian Blowout, which is a looser, less permanent version of the Japanese and Brazilian hair straightening processes. Shoot, call it what it is: Relaxer.
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And finally, a product review I’ve been hoarding, in my beauty drawer, with all my Chanel perfume samples that I’m allergic to but still won’t give away: Josie Maran Argan Oil.
OK, here’s the thing: This stuff is the real deal. The realest real deal that ever dealt in a real fashion. I have had problem skin all of my life. Sure, it’s semi-acne-free and not covered in M&M-sized moles or whatever, but it’s always been dry, scaly, and rough. My lotions and creams only ever glossed over the problem temporarily. I felt them sitting atop my skin and not really soaking in, not fixing the dryness problem. But this Argan oil business is so different from anything I’ve ever used. I’ve been using it religiously since December, but I’ve been holding off writing a review because I’ve been expecting some plateau or downturn in results. Four months in, this stuff is still rocking my face off. The other day, I was all-up-in my mirror’s grill plucking my eyebrow hairs, and I happened to look down at my cheek. It was weird, my skin looked so different than I’m used to it looking. It was so unbelievably smooth. Like, put-it-under-a-microscope, on-the-molecular-level smooth. This is not the skin I’ve had most of my life. It is so happy and glowy and radiant. I don’t even wear foundation anymore, just a dot of concealer here or there, a little blush & ‘scara and I’m out the door. Seriously, and I know I’ve said this way too much already, but if there’s one product I think every woman* should own, it’s this one.
So product review dumbshits on MakeupAlley and Sephora will more than likely complain about how this stuff “makes (their) skin greasy,” or “makes (them) break out,” but the only negative reviews I’ve read are from folks who I’d bet money aren’t using it correctly. Skin oil should only be applied right after you wash your face and apply toner. YES, you HAVE to use toner if you’re going to oil up your skin, and if you don’t, well, you deserve to break out. Don’t come bitching to me, man. Argan oil is super light and will soak right in to clean, damp skin. You may need to play with how many drops is right for you (this stuff comes in a glass vial with dropper), but I use only three and that covers my whole face & neck with a little bit left to rub into my cuticles. It is THE perfect moisturizer. I’ve quit using night creams since discovering this product, but I do still use a day cream on top of it, b/c I need the SPF. I knew a straight-up oil would help to keep my face moisturized, but I could never have guessed it would reduce the size of my pores. Like tea tree oil, argan oil has anti-inflammatory properties, resulting in less breakouts that heal faster. Also like tea tree oil, argan oil helps to regulate sebum production in the skin, resulting in less blackheads and such. Hot damn! I’m not going to say I don’t have breakouts anymore. I do, but they’re hormonal and accompany my period. They’re like the winged monkeys to my period’s Wicked Witch of the West. Not much I can do about that.
In addition to being a seriously amazing skincare product, it’s also a vanity buy with a conscience: This stuff comes from a renewable/sustainable source, is organic, all-natural, free of parabens, sulfates, phthalates, petro-chemicals, fragrances, and dyes. The sale of this oil benefits women’s cooperatives in Morocco. Given that celeb makeup lines are usually terrible and thus short-lived, I really hope Ms. Maran’s line will stick around.
*except maybe you, Kadinsky, because you just need to erect an oil derrick on your fo’head and just be done with it. Oh, and peeps with nut or tree nut allergies should proceed with extreme caution.
Any questions? Comment!
ButtercupPunch - "La clique, c’est chic!" 
April 6, 2009 at 4:21 pm
The knife comb is probably less than great as an actual comb, but that’s unimportant in the face of its sheer awesomeness as far as concept and looks go.
April 6, 2009 at 5:12 pm
That has got to be brainchild of an ex-prisoner. It’s pretty much a shank.
April 6, 2009 at 11:19 pm
It’s totally a lesbotron multi-task item. Look!
Step One: Come each other’s pretty, pretty hair.
Step Two: Commence knife sex.
Voila! With all that time saved and real quality bonding, LBD is a thing of the past!
April 7, 2009 at 8:03 am
1. The term “knife sex” strikes fear in my heart.
2. LBD = little black dress to me, so I stared at that for a while and then turned to Google for aid.
April 6, 2009 at 4:28 pm
giirrrl, didn’t I tell you? the derrick is up and functioning, we break ground on the Esso station next week and a nice asian couple has already leased space for the nail salon and $1.25 dryclean supercentre.
April 6, 2009 at 10:58 pm
I’m too lazy to do my own research — how much does the Argan oil cost?
April 6, 2009 at 11:26 pm
1. Jen – $48+. Not sure what else it’s got in it, but it looks like you can get 100% argan oil for half that?
2. I still like my Vitamin E oil, but I’ll bookmark this in case it revolts. (But as long as M keeps telling me I look 19 years old, I’m sticking with my bloody Vitamin E oil!)
3. Bumpits = Razor burns + armpits. At least that’s where my mind went, and then I saw the actual website and kind of wished I had razor burns in my armpits instead of clicking it! SAD, SAD, SAD. Such ugly hair. What do people thing? Do they not use conditioner? Do those streaks ever do anything for ANYONE, EVER? Seriously, it fucking pisses me off.
4. Re: pink streaks – Panda, I totally had little red streaks hidden in my hair when I dyed it last (nearly a year ago). They were very faint, but fun. M would play with my hair and be all, “Bonsey, I got a red one!” I, too, like the subtlety and whatnot. Fun!
5. Has anyone ever heard of these miraculous Korean perms? Because everyone I’ve talked to about them says that they will give me perma beachy wave, or loose waves, and I WANT TO GO TO THERE. But I’m scared.
April 7, 2009 at 9:20 am
Tell me more about your vitamin E oil. What kind do you use? Do you just apply it the same as Panda described above? My skin has developed these fugly dry patches that I can’t seem to remedy with mere lotion.
Also, no one should aspire to have Sarah Palin hair. So, Bumpits need to die.
April 7, 2009 at 2:10 pm
You can either buy the pure oil or a cream. I prefer the oil and yes, apply as Panda says to.
However, I recommended it to my BFF, who has been suffering from crazy awful face skin stuff, and while her skin seems to drink it up and be less angry and dry and cracked, it doesn’t quite sink in fully.
Mine seems to absorb it well, though.
April 8, 2009 at 1:24 pm
Cool, thanks!
April 6, 2009 at 11:32 pm
PS. OMFG, I was too impatient and started looking myself: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Digital_perm
It’s like all my dreams just came true.
April 7, 2009 at 7:29 am
I would do the pink streaks, just not sure they would really show :( for the longest time I really wanted some bright blue streaks, but just visible underneath my hair, you know?
re: perm – when I was in beauty school the big thing was an asian created “perm” that did this weird double processing. you rolled the hair, applied the solution, then re-rolled the hair looser and with larger barreled rollers, applied solution again (a weaker one) and then you neutralized. supposedly it was created for hard to perm asian hair, to create loose waves.
April 7, 2009 at 2:11 pm
It’s hard! That perm also sounds awesome. I am still on the fence re: the digi perm. Part of me is scared, part of me is BOLD.
April 8, 2009 at 10:35 pm
OMG. Is this going to be SBJ’s “Bang Saga, Part II”?
The Korean perm looks pretty but I think I would get sick of it after a while… it’s a little too “done.” But I love the subtle streaks of color!
April 9, 2009 at 10:44 am
I know, right? Not again with the hair, SBJ. It is shiny and perfect. Leave it alone.
April 7, 2009 at 9:03 am
I am intrigued by the Argan oil. I use castor oil now and it works pretty well but I could be tempted to switch. Does this brand have anything else in it or would finding a 100% argan oil work just as well do you think?
April 7, 2009 at 2:12 pm
What do you use castor oil for? I’ve only read about its miracle use regrowing eyebrows and whatnot.
April 8, 2009 at 11:02 am
I use it for wrinkles….my great aunt was a super witchy-hippy lady and swore by it and I have to admit, she was not overly wrinkled, so I use it around my eyes alternating every other night with a vitamin C cream. You can also use it on your hair if it gets super dry like my ends sometimes do.
April 8, 2009 at 9:38 pm
REGROWING EYEBROWS? oh my god I must procure castor oil posthaste. My eyebrows are too tiny as-is, and I’ve been growing them out for 8+ months now.
Does one swab this on w a q-tip? Or take a supplement? How does this magic work?
April 13, 2009 at 8:08 am
I’ve heard (and found) that Vaseline actually makes hair grow…but if you use either I would just swab it on with a q-tip or your finger. I feel you on the eyebrow thinness; after I lost mine it took me a few years for them to get back to normal.
April 7, 2009 at 2:16 pm
when I hear ‘castor oil’ all I can think of is being punished for swearing when I was wee and being made to drink castor oil. YUCK.
April 7, 2009 at 4:52 pm
Dude, that’s straight fucked, yo. I don’t blame you for holding an, um, grudge.
April 7, 2009 at 9:15 am
I’m intrigued… my skin can be a bit oily, but I also have some recurring dry patches from the retin a, and I just can’t seem to find a good moisturizer that works with my skin lately.
Also, I’m so into the subtle streaks of color in the hair. I’ve done some red streaks in my hair in the past, and with my dark brunette hair, it’s only visible in direct light. I’ve kind of been getting the itch to streak it again, but I’m in a couple weddings this summer, and I’m not sure the brides would approve.
April 9, 2009 at 10:47 am
I was home yesterday and saw the ad on TV for Bumpits. Holy Shit! Unless you are headlining at the Grand Ole Opry (and maybe not even then), your hair has no business being up that high. Ever.
April 9, 2009 at 12:03 pm
the higher the hair, the closer to god!
June 14, 2009 at 5:22 am
YAA Adding this to my bookmarks. Thank You